T-minus 10 days to DEADLINE.
May. 21st, 2011 07:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seanan_mcguireJuly 19th, 2014.
"In looking at the biological structure of the screwfly, the real question isn't 'what was evolution thinking,' it's 'are any of you paying attention to me, or should I just stop talking and put all of this on your final exam'?" Professor Michael Mason picked up one of the books on his desk and dropped it without ceremony. The resulting boom made half the students jump, and made almost all of them guiltily focus their attention on the front of the lecture hall. Michael folded his arms. "Since you're all clearly sharing with the rest of the class, does anybody feel like sharing with me?"
Silence fell over the class. Michael cocked his head slightly to the side, watching them, and waited. Finally, one of the students cleared her throat and said, "It's just there are these crazy stories going around campus, you know? So we're a little on-edge."
"Crazy stories? Crazy stories like what?"
One of the football players who was taking the class for science credit said, "Like dead dudes getting up and walking around and eating living dudes."
"We're living in a Romero movie!" shouted someone at the back of the room, drawing nervous laughter from the rest of the students.
"All right, now, settle down. Let's approach this like scientists—if it's important enough to distract from biology, we should think about it like rational people. You mentioned Romero movies. Does that mean you're positing zombies?"
There was another flurry of laughter. It ended quickly, replaced by dead seriousness. "I think we are, Professor," said the herpetology major in the front row. She shook her head. "It's the only thing that makes sense."
Another student rolled his eyes. "Because zombies always make sense."
She glared at him. "Shut up."
"Make me."
"Now that we have demonstrated once again that no human being is ever more than a few steps away from pulling pigtails on the playground, who wants to posit a reason that we'd have zombies now, rather than, oh, six weeks ago?" Michael looked around the room. "Come on. I'm playing along with you. Now one of you needs to play along with me."
"That Mayday Army thing." The words came from a tiny biochem major who almost never spoke during class; she just sat there taking notes with a single-minded dedication that was more frightening than admirable. It was like she thought the bottom of the bell curve would be shot after every exam. She wasn't taking notes now. She was looking at Professor Mason with wide, serious eyes, pencil finally down. "They released an experimental, genetically engineered pathogen into the atmosphere. Dr. Kellis hadn't reached human trials yet. If there were going to be side effects, he didn't have time to find out what they were."
She sounded utterly serene, like she'd finally found a test that she was certain she could pass. Michael Mason paused. "That's an interesting theory, Michelle."
"The CDC has shut down half a dozen clinical trials in the last week, and they won't say why," she replied, as if that had some bearing on the conversation.
Maybe it did. Michael Mason straightened. "All right. I'm going to humor you, because it's not every day that one gets a zombie apocalypse as an excuse for canceling class. You're all dismissed, on one condition."
"What's that, Professor?" asked a student.
"I want you all to stay together. Check your phones for news; check your Twitter feeds. See if anything strange is going on before you go anywhere." He forced a smile, wishing he wasn't starting to feel so uneasy. "If we're having a zombie apocalypse, let's make it a minor one, and all be back here on Monday, all right?"
Laughter and applause greeted his words. He stayed at the front of the room until the last of the students had streamed out; then he grabbed his coat and started for the exit himself. He needed to cancel classes for the rest of the day. He needed to call Stacy, and tell her to get Phillip from the preschool. If there was one thing science had taught him, it was that safe was always better than sorry, and some things were never on the final exam.
***
Professor Michael Mason has announced the cancellation of class for the rest of the week. His podcast will be posted tomorrow night, as scheduled. All students are given a one-week extension on their summer term papers.
When will you Rise?
"In looking at the biological structure of the screwfly, the real question isn't 'what was evolution thinking,' it's 'are any of you paying attention to me, or should I just stop talking and put all of this on your final exam'?" Professor Michael Mason picked up one of the books on his desk and dropped it without ceremony. The resulting boom made half the students jump, and made almost all of them guiltily focus their attention on the front of the lecture hall. Michael folded his arms. "Since you're all clearly sharing with the rest of the class, does anybody feel like sharing with me?"
Silence fell over the class. Michael cocked his head slightly to the side, watching them, and waited. Finally, one of the students cleared her throat and said, "It's just there are these crazy stories going around campus, you know? So we're a little on-edge."
"Crazy stories? Crazy stories like what?"
One of the football players who was taking the class for science credit said, "Like dead dudes getting up and walking around and eating living dudes."
"We're living in a Romero movie!" shouted someone at the back of the room, drawing nervous laughter from the rest of the students.
"All right, now, settle down. Let's approach this like scientists—if it's important enough to distract from biology, we should think about it like rational people. You mentioned Romero movies. Does that mean you're positing zombies?"
There was another flurry of laughter. It ended quickly, replaced by dead seriousness. "I think we are, Professor," said the herpetology major in the front row. She shook her head. "It's the only thing that makes sense."
Another student rolled his eyes. "Because zombies always make sense."
She glared at him. "Shut up."
"Make me."
"Now that we have demonstrated once again that no human being is ever more than a few steps away from pulling pigtails on the playground, who wants to posit a reason that we'd have zombies now, rather than, oh, six weeks ago?" Michael looked around the room. "Come on. I'm playing along with you. Now one of you needs to play along with me."
"That Mayday Army thing." The words came from a tiny biochem major who almost never spoke during class; she just sat there taking notes with a single-minded dedication that was more frightening than admirable. It was like she thought the bottom of the bell curve would be shot after every exam. She wasn't taking notes now. She was looking at Professor Mason with wide, serious eyes, pencil finally down. "They released an experimental, genetically engineered pathogen into the atmosphere. Dr. Kellis hadn't reached human trials yet. If there were going to be side effects, he didn't have time to find out what they were."
She sounded utterly serene, like she'd finally found a test that she was certain she could pass. Michael Mason paused. "That's an interesting theory, Michelle."
"The CDC has shut down half a dozen clinical trials in the last week, and they won't say why," she replied, as if that had some bearing on the conversation.
Maybe it did. Michael Mason straightened. "All right. I'm going to humor you, because it's not every day that one gets a zombie apocalypse as an excuse for canceling class. You're all dismissed, on one condition."
"What's that, Professor?" asked a student.
"I want you all to stay together. Check your phones for news; check your Twitter feeds. See if anything strange is going on before you go anywhere." He forced a smile, wishing he wasn't starting to feel so uneasy. "If we're having a zombie apocalypse, let's make it a minor one, and all be back here on Monday, all right?"
Laughter and applause greeted his words. He stayed at the front of the room until the last of the students had streamed out; then he grabbed his coat and started for the exit himself. He needed to cancel classes for the rest of the day. He needed to call Stacy, and tell her to get Phillip from the preschool. If there was one thing science had taught him, it was that safe was always better than sorry, and some things were never on the final exam.
***
Professor Michael Mason has announced the cancellation of class for the rest of the week. His podcast will be posted tomorrow night, as scheduled. All students are given a one-week extension on their summer term papers.
When will you Rise?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-05-21 07:37 pm (UTC)So far this is the only decent apocalypse we've got happening today.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-21 09:59 pm (UTC)Ain't THAT ironic.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-23 02:42 am (UTC)