In which Seanan has the worst jet lag ever.

[seanan_mcguire]

So I went to Eastercon recently. Hooray! If you don't know, Eastercon is the British national science fiction convention, held every Easter weekend. This year, I was one of their guests of honor, which meant hey, I got to go to England! Hooray x2!

Only, see...I get the jet lag. I get the jet lag badly. I always have. I wrote an entire romantic comedy about jet lag (Chasing St. Margaret, not coming any time soon to a bookstore near you). I am not a girl who switches time zones quickly or easily. Normally, I deal with this by giving myself time before the convention to adjust. Sadly, this time, that wasn't an option, as I was a Special Guest at Emerald City Comic Con the weekend before. My schedule looked like this:

Monday morning, fly from Seattle back to San Francisco.
Tuesday morning, get my hair done.
Wednesday morning, fly to England.
Thursday morning, land in England.
Friday morning, the con begins.

...not ideal. And maybe it would have been okay if I had been able to sleep on the plane (I usually can), but this time the guy next to me wouldn't stop snoring, and I had a cough from the cleaning products at the airport, and it was no good. I was awake all the way to London, reading and fussing and trying not to be the worst person anyone had ever shared a plane with.

My handler picked me up at the airport and delivered me to the hotel, where I proceeded not to sleep. And not to sleep. And finally to sleep for twelve hours, which resulted in my sleeping through a panel. When I finally woke up, I went looking for her to apologize, and had literally upward of thirty people laugh and tell me they'd missed me.

Things not to do to people with anxiety: remind them thirty times that they are a failure.

I had a full-blown panic attack, complete with inability to breathe, and stopped sleeping again, since sleeping now equated directly to fucking up. HOORAY. I didn't sleep until I got to Teddy and Tom's after the con, where I crashed for thirteen hours, was up for three, and then napped. I never did get quite onto UK time. I've been home for over a week, and I'm barely returning to normal.

Jet lag sucks.

Comments

[geekhyena.livejournal.com]

Ugh. I am so sorry this happened - I too get the terrible jet lag, so when I found out my Preliminary Exam was scheduled the day after I got back from 2.5 weeks in Australia, I had to beg them to let me reschedule, because I would not have been conscious or in any state to be quizzed for 3 hours over animal science. My most intense sympathies.

(Also, got the Velveteen vs audiobooks - they have been so nice to have to listen to lately when my body interprets costochondritis as HEART ATTACK! PANIC! and I have to lie awake till I pass out from exhaustion. They don't calm my body down, but they calm my brain down, and that's about all I can do right now)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better soon.

[archangelbeth]

...sending internet e-hugs, for use or re-gifting as needed. I hope that the re-adjustment works itself all the way back to Useful soon.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[melebeth]

Gah. It's horrible, HORRIBLE when people tease you about the sources of your anxiety, even when it's well meaning. There are a few Friends of Friends who I am at the point of wanting to run outside and hide every time they show up at a party or event because they seem to think it's funny to tease me about my social anxiety. I have great empathy. Also, I'm sad that there won't be jet lag romance for our reading pleasure, because that sounds ridiculous.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry you have to deal with that.

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Yuuuup. One of the biggest fights I had with my family was over this sort of teasing. Said I found it hurtful and don't do that and got "oh but we don't mean to upset you! We're family we have the right to tease you!"

It's not teasing when you know the subject finds it really upsetting! Why is this so hard for people. I know you don't mean harm, all I'm asking is don't do it in the future. Gah.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

I know it doesn't help but those 30 people probably thought they were being complimentary - that you were missed. I probably would have said something similar.

Is there any thing you can think of that we could say in a case like that (because people are human) that expresses "we like your company, and when you were not there we were concerned, and you were thought of"? Or would it be better not to mention it at all?

We would like to learn to speak better Seanan-ese.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Honestly, if you see someone who is clearly in distress, and you know that they have been late for something, or missed something, or otherwise been given a reason for distress, try not saying anything at all. These weren't people who knew me apart from "that's our Guest of Honor and she looks like she's about to cry." They could have let me pass, rather than forcing me to stop and engage while hyperventilating. I'm not subtle when I'm upset. Being a human Muppet means it's pretty obvious when I'm in either "seek" or "panic" mode.

Assume that someone else has expressed concern and regret, and let it go.

[melchar.livejournal.com]

*Hugs you* ... while laughing at the term 'human Muppet'.

Human Muppet!

I can imagine exactly what you mean because I have the same anxiety problem, and OCD ... and phobias ... and I bet that's exactly what I look like when I'm 'Muppet flailing'. Not funny THEN ... not that funny soon after, but something I can point at and say, 'yes, I understand' at some point in the future.

[calico-reaction.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[imogen-blue.livejournal.com]

Damn, that's awful. :( I get jet lag bad too, so I commiserate. I hope you'll be all good soon. Get some nice kitty snuggles. :)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I leave for Colorado in less than six hours. I am just going to BREAK my internal clock.

[danceswithwaves.livejournal.com]

Have you tried taking melatonin? I just found out (I was obviously being very dense before) that you could buy melatonin pills over the counter, so I've been trying them occasionally when I need to fall asleep early-ish and I just can't for some reason -- they seem to be working remarkably well. There's not a whole lot of research on melatonin yet, but it's the hormone that your body makes to help you fall asleep, so taking it artificially can help you fall asleep when you want to. There also doesn't seem to be many, if any, side effects (and some side effects seem to be good, like boosting the immune system), though, again, there's not a whole lot of long-term research.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[westrider.livejournal.com]

I've had good results with melatonin as well. It's the only thing that's ever really significantly helped with my (more or less) lifelong insomnia, to the point where my doctor thinks the problem is simply that my brain can't make it properly.

Do use it sparingly, as it's one of the things where the body can come to rely on the supplement, and reduce its own supply, so it can cause nasty rebound insomnia if overused.

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[westrider.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it depends on what the issue is. I've been taking it for years now, with no noticeable side effects, tho I did have to ramp the dosage up eventually. That comment was more intended for anyone else who might be reading this and want to use it occasionally. IDK if I'm making any sense here. It's been a long week and it's not over yet :P

[acelightning.livejournal.com]

[archangelbeth]

I strongly recommend trying melatonin ONLY if you have a week free to see if it works. Tried it with my kid, and it caused major depression. We took her off it, and the depression lifted after a few days. We tried it again, for ONE DAY, and she melted down the next day for another WEEK. And this was the lowest dosage we could find! No more melatonin here!

Anything that meddles with brain chemistry should be tried only if one is A: really really desperate, or B: in possession of time to deal with the thing backfiring.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I tried, and it didn't work for me. Sadly.

[shoebrera.livejournal.com]

(((Hugs)))

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[beth woodward (from livejournal.com)]

Eek, that sucks. I remember the first time I traveled to England in 2008. My then-boyfriend and I got there early in the morning, thinking that we'd get some good touristy stuff in for the rest of the day...and then immediately went to the hotel and proceeded to crash until dinnertime. Yeah...that period of adjustment is not fun.

But the reason I really posted is this: count me among the people who would love to read a romcom about jet lag!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it's a nostalgic piece about a time no one's nostalgic for yet.

[bunsen-h.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

I assume (yeah, yeah) that you know rationally they weren't trying be mean; they were just doing... whatever... badly. Doesn't help with what's happening in your head, I know.

Canadian singer / songwriter / satirist Nancy White did a song about jet lag, on her first album, Civil Service Songwriter.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I do know, but it didn't help.

[-dante-sparda-.livejournal.com]

Oh, no! *offers so many hugs in the hopes of shooing anxiety grubs away* Double plus ungood! I'm so sorry you went through that horror. I wish I could have been there if only to offer to get you comfort foods/drinks, and later to ask how you were feeling. Anxiety truly is such cranial putrescence.

I hope that you're feeling better and that your next trip, short hop though it is, is much kinder to your body and mind.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I am doing much better now!

[oreouk.livejournal.com]

See I should totally have sent that e-mail that I intended to but couldn't get to word right.

1) I am very sorry that I added to this
2) I did not detect that you looked stressed
3) It genuinely was not intended in any way as a 'you fucked up' reminder. The panel set out an empty chair for you, called for comments from you and it was all very entertaining. 'Your' comment got a round of applause. Nobody criticised you during the panel and while there may have been people in the room cross that you did not appear the vast majority of us worked on the assumption that there is no way in heck you would not have been there if you could have avoided it (and would have given a 'How stupid can you be?' look to anyone who had criticised you). So the motivation behind those comments (at least the motivation behind mine and I am extrapolating out) was that we had genuinely enjoyed the panel and were sharing an 'in joke' with you, failing (monumentally) to appreciate that it was an in joke only to the people who were there and not to the person who was not.
4) I am very sorry.

[wendyzski.livejournal.com]

OK - I think I would have enjoyed attending a panel with InvisibleSeanan

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I just got really overwhelmed.

Love you lots.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry about the jet lag; that is truly awful.

I feel certain that your fans loved meeting you even if you didn't feel completely like the self you would have wanted them to be meeting. But I recognize that that's consolation for them, not for you.

Here's hoping Colorado is gentler. :-)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Jet lag bites.

[asg-qa-s7.livejournal.com]

•Things not to do to people with anxiety: remind them thirty times that they are a failure.•

Amen. Those are *my* flashbacks, from childhood to present.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yeah. :P

[autopope.livejournal.com]

You know flying California-UK is something I do on average once a year? (Got to do it three times in the next 12 months. Yummy.)

Coping strategy ...?

Flying UK-to-west-coast is easy; just make sure you stay awake until 10pm the day you arrive, then crash, and you'll wake up on local time.

But flying west-coast-to-UK is harsh. So harsh that my recovery schedule looks like:

Day 1: arrive in destination time zone. Get home, nap for 3 hours, wake up for rest of day. Cognitive state: braiiiiinnnnsss ....

Day 2: Run the washing machine, eat, watch mindless cartoons on TV or read something light. Do not under any circumstances attempt to deal with the backlog of business mail or other correspondence unless it's a screaming emergency (the car's been towed or they're coming to arrest me or something). Cognitive state: moron, tending towards idiot.

Day 3: Perform triage on the backlog of correspondence, splitting into separate piles. File the bank statements and utility bills, set aside anything that requires focus until another day. Maybe go food shopping. Graduate back to reading normal fiction. Filled with a restless energy, go swimming or something to burn it off. Do not under any circumstances surrender to the impulse to try and work productively. Cognitive state: IQ takes a 20 point penalty hit.

Day 4: Beginning to resume normal functioning but may still need afternoon naps at random intervals.

(Do not ask me about the time I flew home from Boston on a Thursday -- thank you, Air France, for rescheduling my earlier-in-the-week flight -- and had to do a GoH slot 500 miles away 36 hours later. I was a zombie.)

TL:DR; west-to-east jetlag really sucks, and west coast to UK is among the worst. Oh, and doing convention GoH slots on consecutive weekends in different countries (or states) is something I now have an official personal ban on, after making the same horrible mistake twice in 2014 (never gonna do that thing again). You are not alone.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Normally, I would do many of the good things you recommend. This time was a cock-up. I have learned.

[tzaddi-93.livejournal.com]

My mom was a flight attendant for 35 years, and her jet lag remedy was pretty much the home version of going to a Russian spa:

Sit or stand in water as hot as you can stand it, for as long as you can stand it (hot shower, hot tub)
Switch to water as cold as you can stand it (cold shower, cold plunge, roll in the snow if it's the 70s and you've had some wine)
Alternate several times.

Having been to an Americanized version of a Russian spa (and followed the hot, hotter, hottest, OMFGcold series in the bath), I can tell you that it made my skin all tingly, made my body relax, and made my mind feel considerably more alert once the brain-shock of entering the cold plunge wore off. I suspect this remedy is intended to relax you enough to sleep when you are too tired and wound up to do so without help.

[jedilora.livejournal.com]

I'm flying to Paris with a toddler in two weeks. I may try this for myself, as she sleeps on planes, and my husband sleeps on planes, and I do NOT.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

...huh.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

So very sorry you had to deal with this. I hope you have a period of downtime coming up soon to give your system a chance to recover.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I get to sleep now!

[anna-en-route.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

Ugh. My deepest sympathies.

I don't travel often or far enough to know how badly jet-lag affects me these days, but the switch to-and-from daylight saving has always wrecked me for a week or two, so I strongly suspect it Would Not Go Well.

*offers hugs - enough for now and some for later*

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3