A letter to the Great Pumpkin.

[seanan_mcguire]

Dear Great Pumpkin;

I have been a very good girl since last Halloween. I have given cookies and candy and cake to people who needed them. I have been kind to spiders. I have revered the pumpkin in all its forms. I have not drowned anyone in a well. I have not unleashed an army of the living dead, obedient to my every whim, and commanded them to destroy all that which might oppose me. Also, I have not called down the pandemic. So clearly, I have spent the entire year on my very best behavior.

This year, Great Pumpkin, I am asking for the following gifts:

* Awesome cover art. Please, Great Pumpkin, make sure that the cover art for Rosemary and Rue is made entirely of wonderful, and save me from the terrible specter of the bimbo on the cover of my book. (To quote the Bohnhoffs: “She is sultry, she is sexy, she is nowhere in the text, she is the bimbo on the cover of my book.”) I have great faith in my cover artist and my publisher, but it never hurts to plead for supernatural aid from the most superior of all squash.

* A fantastic convention season. I’m going to be the Music Guest of Honor at Duckon, Great Pumpkin, and Jim Butcher is going to be the Author Guest of Honor. Please help me to be the very best Disney Halloween Princess that I can possibly be, and smite those things which might attempt to oppose me. Please assist me in winning the hearts of all those who meet me, and all me to position myself well for a best-selling novel. Also, please make sure there’s edible food within walking distance of the convention hotel.

* The perfect kittens. My oldest cat is very old, Great Pumpkin, and in the interests of keeping my younger cat from going insane, I am in the market for Siamese kittens. I am looking for a chocolate and a lilac, both Classic, both with the sweet temper and massive size that I associate with the breed. They need to be sturdy, or Lilly will devour them while I sleep, and that will both make me sad and force me to go looking for new kittens. I don’t have time to go through this twice, so please help me get it right the first time.

* Quick, successful sale of the InCryptid series, wherein the various members of the Price family alternately protect and pummel cryptid ass for the sake of the ecological balance of the planet. If you give me this, Great Pumpkin, I promise to find a way to work you into the narrative, either as a benevolent protector of the pumpkin patch, or as a destroyer of the weak. The choice is entirely yours. Also, if you can, could you make sure the contract is for the first four? Because I really want an excuse to write them all.

* Happiness for my entire family, including my recently-married baby sister and her wife. I am very tired of people trying to say that my baby sister’s marriage is in some way dangerous, Great Pumpkin. She’s happy for the first time, and it’s wonderful to watch, and if anything, her joy is a testament to why people get married at all, not a sign of the marital apocalypse. Please make the stupid go away, Great Pumpkin, so we can all stay happy.

* An army of velociraptors, genetically-engineered to obey only my commands, and equipped with lasers on their forearms. I promise I will only use them to bring glory to your name, Great Pumpkin, and that I will leave enough of the world’s population alive to properly honor you on the next Halloween.

I remain your faithful Halloween girl,
Seanan.

Comments

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[tibicina.livejournal.com]

Actually, most of those are in walking distance for Seanan. Possibly not from a time factor, and the Sweet Tomatoes might be a bit far, but 2-3 miles is sort of 'Seanan's going for a stroll' territory, really. (Actually, the other negative factor might be weather, if it's too cold, then walking might not work.)

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Time is likely to be the biggest issue (since, apparently, Seanan's response to anything our Programming Chair suggests is, "Sure! Oh, and how about this, too?"

If cold is a problem, we've probably got worse issues than frozen Filk GOHs - the con is in the Chicago Suburbs in June. While it's not usually as brain-meltingly hot as it gets later in the summer, we should be well past the long-underwear-and-balaclava stage.

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I like to be helpful!

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

A few of them are definitely walking distance if time allows. Hopefully there's a nice, close convenience store (preferably 7-11) for my morning DDP runs.

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, you're a *guest*. You won't have to run any further than the Green Room for your morning DDP. (And if you're up before the Green Room is open - possible, as I don't know their schedule - we'll make sure some 24-hour department, like Ops or Security, can supply you until the Green Room opens.)

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I think your definition of 'have' is different from mine. :) I think better if I have time to take a walk in the morning. To the point that I've occasionally threatened to request 'walk to the nearest convenience store with Seanan' as a programming item.

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it's the definition of "have" that's different, or just the object :)

So what you're saying is that you have to take a walk in the morning; the 7-11 with DDP at the halfway point is just a convenient excuse. In that case, no, a supply in the hotel probably won't cut it.

How far do you want your morning constitutional to be? Tell us and we'll figure out where to send you.

If you'd prefer companionship, we can arrange that too - sabellak, our green room head, walks marathons, and is used to a brisk multi-mile walk in the morning.

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I mean, a supply in the hotel is key. And really, it just needs to be 'the nearest convenience store and back, 7-11 preferred only because they will sell me SODAZILLA for two dollars.'

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Nearest 7-11: 1.7 mi by Google Maps' walking directions, 1.8 mi by driving. God, I love the Internet.

BTW, I get my LJ notification emails in Gmail. When getting a notification for comments in this journal, the top sidebar ads are for Siamese kittens and pumpkin patches. I just thought you should know this :)

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

That makes me...

...happy.