A letter to the Great Pumpkin.

[seanan_mcguire]

Dear Great Pumpkin;

I have been a very good girl since last Halloween. I have given cookies and candy and cake to people who needed them. I have been kind to spiders. I have revered the pumpkin in all its forms. I have not drowned anyone in a well. I have not unleashed an army of the living dead, obedient to my every whim, and commanded them to destroy all that which might oppose me. Also, I have not called down the pandemic. So clearly, I have spent the entire year on my very best behavior.

This year, Great Pumpkin, I am asking for the following gifts:

* Awesome cover art. Please, Great Pumpkin, make sure that the cover art for Rosemary and Rue is made entirely of wonderful, and save me from the terrible specter of the bimbo on the cover of my book. (To quote the Bohnhoffs: “She is sultry, she is sexy, she is nowhere in the text, she is the bimbo on the cover of my book.”) I have great faith in my cover artist and my publisher, but it never hurts to plead for supernatural aid from the most superior of all squash.

* A fantastic convention season. I’m going to be the Music Guest of Honor at Duckon, Great Pumpkin, and Jim Butcher is going to be the Author Guest of Honor. Please help me to be the very best Disney Halloween Princess that I can possibly be, and smite those things which might attempt to oppose me. Please assist me in winning the hearts of all those who meet me, and all me to position myself well for a best-selling novel. Also, please make sure there’s edible food within walking distance of the convention hotel.

* The perfect kittens. My oldest cat is very old, Great Pumpkin, and in the interests of keeping my younger cat from going insane, I am in the market for Siamese kittens. I am looking for a chocolate and a lilac, both Classic, both with the sweet temper and massive size that I associate with the breed. They need to be sturdy, or Lilly will devour them while I sleep, and that will both make me sad and force me to go looking for new kittens. I don’t have time to go through this twice, so please help me get it right the first time.

* Quick, successful sale of the InCryptid series, wherein the various members of the Price family alternately protect and pummel cryptid ass for the sake of the ecological balance of the planet. If you give me this, Great Pumpkin, I promise to find a way to work you into the narrative, either as a benevolent protector of the pumpkin patch, or as a destroyer of the weak. The choice is entirely yours. Also, if you can, could you make sure the contract is for the first four? Because I really want an excuse to write them all.

* Happiness for my entire family, including my recently-married baby sister and her wife. I am very tired of people trying to say that my baby sister’s marriage is in some way dangerous, Great Pumpkin. She’s happy for the first time, and it’s wonderful to watch, and if anything, her joy is a testament to why people get married at all, not a sign of the marital apocalypse. Please make the stupid go away, Great Pumpkin, so we can all stay happy.

* An army of velociraptors, genetically-engineered to obey only my commands, and equipped with lasers on their forearms. I promise I will only use them to bring glory to your name, Great Pumpkin, and that I will leave enough of the world’s population alive to properly honor you on the next Halloween.

I remain your faithful Halloween girl,
Seanan.

Comments

[mirrorred-star.livejournal.com]

With such an eloquently expressed plea, I dare say the Great Pumpkin will find it excrutiatingly hard to refuse. Especially on the velociraptors :)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I'm sure hoping so!

[gwynnega]

make sure that the cover art for Rosemary and Rue is made entirely of wonderful, and save me from the terrible specter of the bimbo on the cover of my book.

Heeeee.

[archangelbeth]

And then there's the terrible bimbo of a specter...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0007133596/636
(There is some speculation that this cover actually did in UK sales for that author. Something about "the Pilsbury Nazgul," I think someone said.)

(Rather a shame; the first cover in that series, in that version, was really quite nice.)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I have total faith in my cover artist. It's like waiting for Christmas!

[the-wanlorn.livejournal.com]

I am very tired of people trying to say that my baby sister’s marriage is in some way dangerous, Great Pumpkin.

D: I had to read this an embarrassing number of times before I figured out what you meant. My reading comprehension is so ridiculously faily today.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

It's okay, we all fail sometimes. Note that I managed to typo 'helps' for 'hurts' in the original post.

Speaking of, you seen

[seferin.livejournal.com]

http://www.pumpkingutter.com/

or http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/5874/predatoruy6.jpg

Re: Speaking of, you seen

[biguglymandoll.livejournal.com]

And I'm sure you've seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-1aui-wluE (It's a classic; we watch it every October!)
And this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQd0ELH7SNI&NR=1 ... is twisted, in a great way.

Re: Speaking of, you seen

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

That is BEYOND AMAZING.

It's like the CHURCH of the Great Pumpkin!

Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Not walking-distance from the hotel, but I think we can get local volunteers to drive either you to food or food to you (depending on schedule and your preferences:

Nearest Whole PaycheckFoods: 2.4 mi
Nearest Jamba Juice: 2.1 mi (in the shopping center across from the WF)
Nearest Baja Fresh: 2.4 mi (in the shopping center behind the WF)
Nearest Sweet Tomatoes: 7 mi
Nearest BD's Mongolian Barbecue: 3.1 mi

And the Green Room head (whose office is, conveniently enough, directly across the hall from mine) already knows to stock up on DDP.

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[tibicina.livejournal.com]

Actually, most of those are in walking distance for Seanan. Possibly not from a time factor, and the Sweet Tomatoes might be a bit far, but 2-3 miles is sort of 'Seanan's going for a stroll' territory, really. (Actually, the other negative factor might be weather, if it's too cold, then walking might not work.)

Re: Feeding Seanan in Illinois

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yay! These things being lo--HOLY CRAP YOU HAVE A BD'S?! I LOVE YOU LIKE FIRE!!!!--cal means that I won't die during the convention, although I may have to beg people to fetch me food a time or two.

[charleeg.livejournal.com]

The Great Pumpkin will surely heed your request. I think it's a done deal, especially the velociraptors. ;-)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

The Great Pumpkin is generous and wise.

[snowishness.livejournal.com]

May the Great Pumpkin accede to your requests.

Though possibly not what I believe must be a typo: "it never helps to plead for supernatural aid"

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I've fixed the typo. Hopefully he understands that sometimes I type faster than I think.

[miintikwa.livejournal.com]

Amen to the happiness thing. :D

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

She's never been this happy. It's amazing.

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

Dear Great Pumpkin,

I cannot promise you what Seanan promises you, but if you would, please, please, please, ensure the sale of Newsflesh, I will make annual offerings for a minimum of ten years, and indoctrinate little children into your cult. I'm a preschool teacher, I can totally make it happen.

Yours, Lu

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

The world needs more teachers like you. :)

[biguglymandoll.livejournal.com]

"Please make the stupid go away, Great Pumpkin, so we can all stay happy."

If this works, I'm converting. Let me know. And YAY for your sister!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

We can totally found a church based on not being assholes to one another. It'll be great.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

Dear Great Pumpkin,

Please do not give Seanan an army of velociraptors. If you give her an army of velociraptors, you will have to deal with Kate.

This is probably not in your best interests.

On the other hand, if only giving Seanan an army of velociraptors will make you happy enough to give Seanan a contract for the first four InCryptid novels, you can totally come hide behind me.

Respectfully,

the Dormouse

[alethea-eastrid.livejournal.com]

Seconded, with fervor.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

If I unleash the living dead, we can't properly threaten people with them anymore. The Great Pumpkin believes in the threat of destruction rather than the destruction itself. He's smart like that.

[scholarinexile.livejournal.com]

Given that you tagged this under "dino dance party," I thought you should know: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081021/ap_on_sc/sci_dinosaur_dance_floor

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

That makes me happy all the way down to the tips of my tippy toes.

[kyra-neko-rei.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Especially the velociraptors.

Congratulations to your sister and her wife. :) :) :)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I've passed all the congrats from this entry on, and they're both thrilled.

[amanda-nye.livejournal.com]

it sounds entirely reasonable to me.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

We appreciate your support!

[jacylrin.livejournal.com]

Hee. I think I <3 you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Rock on team pumpkin support!