What gay marriage looks like.
Nov. 2nd, 2012 09:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seanan_mcguireThe election is almost here.
For the most part, I try not to get political, both because I don't have the bandwidth for the arguments, and because I'm just so tired from being angry all the time. But I'm hearing the usual "oh, the bad storm that has done so much damage is because of ALL THE GAY," and according to the Mitt Romney campaign...
"As president, Mitt will not only appoint an Attorney General who will defend the Defense of Marriage Act—a bipartisan law passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton—but he will also champion a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman."
Gay marriage is now so terrifying and troublesome that it needs to be banned constitutionally? What?
So let me tell you what gay marriage looks like to me.
Same sex marriage was legalized in California in 2008. It was rendered illegal that same year, by Proposition 8, but before that happened, thousands of gay and lesbian couples were able to sign their marriage licenses and take their wedding vows. My middle sister, the one I call Young James Dean, was one of the happy women who took the hand of the woman she loved and promised, legally, to stay with her forever.
It was not a fancy marriage. YJD and her girlfriend (now wife) were both worried that same sex marriage would be made illegal before they could formalize their union. So I, my mother, and my youngest sister joined YJD, her girlfriend, and her girlfriend's family at the city courthouse.
They were both nervous and terrified and ecstatic. They signed their papers and affirmed that they knew what they were doing, and we were all escorted up to see the Justice of the Peace.
It was a hot day. No one was dressed particularly fancily. YJD had a silver sixpence in her shoe that I'd bought from a local rare coin dealer; there were no other wedding accoutrements in place. We didn't need them.
The Justice of the Peace asked if they would do all the things a spouse is meant to do: they said that they would. And they were pronounced married in the eyes of the State of California. Both of them kissed the bride. We had the wedding dinner at Denny's. Bride of YJD's father paid for it. For their wedding gift, I had their marriage certificate nicely framed, and it hangs in their front hall. They are raising Bride of YJD's three children together. They have bought a house together. They're happy, and they're healthy, and if any God really and truly disapproved of same sex marriage, He (or She) wouldn't have shown it with a hurricane: that's inefficient. We live in earthquake country, after all.
But the ground didn't shake. Every day my sister wakes up, loving her wife, and the ground doesn't open up and swallow them whole. They've had their problems—all marriages do—but none of those problems have been scored for Locusts in C Minor, accompanied by Plague of Frogs.
Look: I can appreciate the religious angle. I can appreciate saying "my church says this isn't cool." But my church does think it's cool. My church thinks it's awesome. And the separation of church and state means that giving my sister a marriage license and a big box of legal protection to be used on the day when, Great Pumpkin forbid, something happens to Bride of YJD...that didn't do a thing to change the churches. Individual churches can perform same sex marriage, or not, as their scripture demands.
Young James Dean's marriage has not damaged my relationships, or the relationships of our youngest sister. They have not undermined the lives and loves of those around them. The only thing gay marriage has done to my family is bring us more love, every day.
The world needs more love.
And I am so glad my sister found her wife.
For the most part, I try not to get political, both because I don't have the bandwidth for the arguments, and because I'm just so tired from being angry all the time. But I'm hearing the usual "oh, the bad storm that has done so much damage is because of ALL THE GAY," and according to the Mitt Romney campaign...
"As president, Mitt will not only appoint an Attorney General who will defend the Defense of Marriage Act—a bipartisan law passed by Congress and signed by President Clinton—but he will also champion a Federal Marriage Amendment to the Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman."
Gay marriage is now so terrifying and troublesome that it needs to be banned constitutionally? What?
So let me tell you what gay marriage looks like to me.
Same sex marriage was legalized in California in 2008. It was rendered illegal that same year, by Proposition 8, but before that happened, thousands of gay and lesbian couples were able to sign their marriage licenses and take their wedding vows. My middle sister, the one I call Young James Dean, was one of the happy women who took the hand of the woman she loved and promised, legally, to stay with her forever.
It was not a fancy marriage. YJD and her girlfriend (now wife) were both worried that same sex marriage would be made illegal before they could formalize their union. So I, my mother, and my youngest sister joined YJD, her girlfriend, and her girlfriend's family at the city courthouse.
They were both nervous and terrified and ecstatic. They signed their papers and affirmed that they knew what they were doing, and we were all escorted up to see the Justice of the Peace.
It was a hot day. No one was dressed particularly fancily. YJD had a silver sixpence in her shoe that I'd bought from a local rare coin dealer; there were no other wedding accoutrements in place. We didn't need them.
The Justice of the Peace asked if they would do all the things a spouse is meant to do: they said that they would. And they were pronounced married in the eyes of the State of California. Both of them kissed the bride. We had the wedding dinner at Denny's. Bride of YJD's father paid for it. For their wedding gift, I had their marriage certificate nicely framed, and it hangs in their front hall. They are raising Bride of YJD's three children together. They have bought a house together. They're happy, and they're healthy, and if any God really and truly disapproved of same sex marriage, He (or She) wouldn't have shown it with a hurricane: that's inefficient. We live in earthquake country, after all.
But the ground didn't shake. Every day my sister wakes up, loving her wife, and the ground doesn't open up and swallow them whole. They've had their problems—all marriages do—but none of those problems have been scored for Locusts in C Minor, accompanied by Plague of Frogs.
Look: I can appreciate the religious angle. I can appreciate saying "my church says this isn't cool." But my church does think it's cool. My church thinks it's awesome. And the separation of church and state means that giving my sister a marriage license and a big box of legal protection to be used on the day when, Great Pumpkin forbid, something happens to Bride of YJD...that didn't do a thing to change the churches. Individual churches can perform same sex marriage, or not, as their scripture demands.
Young James Dean's marriage has not damaged my relationships, or the relationships of our youngest sister. They have not undermined the lives and loves of those around them. The only thing gay marriage has done to my family is bring us more love, every day.
The world needs more love.
And I am so glad my sister found her wife.
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no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-11-02 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-17 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:48 pm (UTC)It makes my heart hurt that people just ignore this. Except when it affects them. Hurts. The story of YJD and her Bride makes my heart swell the way any story of love amd commitment makes my heart swell. I don't understand how that love doesn't just flow out and drowned out all the hate.
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Date: 2012-12-17 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:49 pm (UTC)Thank you.
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Date: 2012-12-17 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-17 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 04:52 pm (UTC)Sky still hasn't fallen in up here over that.
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Date: 2012-11-02 07:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-11-02 04:56 pm (UTC)On Tuesday my state has a marriage "amendment" on the ballot. It enrages me that it's there at all. That close minded people used our budget crisis to slid that into the agenda. They preferred to shut down the government and cause a multitude of other problems so they could push their agenda and keep "traditional marriage." I want to ask these people what for of traditional marriage they mean because it was not all that long ago that interracial marriage was illegal, that black people could marry at all, that women were considered chattle and basically a trade good.
Because it warrants repeating: **headdesk**
no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:00 pm (UTC)And go YJD & wife. I'm glad they're in a happy relationship, whatever gender they may be.
People love people. It should end at that.
It bothers me that people still see the Church & State together. Weren't they separated ages ago? It was for a reason, people!
no subject
Date: 2012-12-17 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:02 pm (UTC)I save my rage for those wonderful people who are attempting to bastardize separation of church and state into "My God hates gays, so it's my religious right to bully gays!" and "My God hates abortion and birth control, so it's my religious right to force all women to abide by my religious beliefs!"
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Date: 2012-11-02 07:23 pm (UTC)(Well, it seems like a similar argument to me.)
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:05 pm (UTC)My grandfather was surprised to see "so many out, gay people" at the wedding. I looked him in the eye and said, "Why shouldn't they be out? This is Massachusetts!"
I want all my friends, in every state, to have the right to marry whoever they love. That's a large part of why I'm voting for Obama. And he's a geek. That helps. :)
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Date: 2012-12-17 06:17 pm (UTC)100% agreed.
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:07 pm (UTC)Crying just a little bit here. (My colleagues are looking at me slightly strangely...)
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Date: 2012-12-17 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:08 pm (UTC)Hurricanes seem like an odd way for a deity to try to deliver this message. A quick peek at Wikipedia's handy color coded map on same sex marriage shows most of the hurricane prone states have constitutional bans. Hmm... maybe that's what pissed off their god.
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-17 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:16 pm (UTC)Congrats to your sister and sister-in-law and here's to same-sex marriage (for those interested) becoming part of the Law of the Land. And to love.
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Date: 2012-11-03 12:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-17 06:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:20 pm (UTC)Politics are a dirty thing, unfortunately, but I can think of few things that are as low as threatening part of your people's comfort and safety only to play into other people's bigotted fears and secure votes.
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Date: 2012-12-18 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:25 pm (UTC)*sigh* And this on top of all the crap that Mitt promises to do. Considering that marriage between a man and a woman has being going downhill before they were all "GASP! IT'S THE GAYS FAULT!", this is total crap to ban it. LGBT individuals don't cause married people to cheat on each other, have drag out nasty fights, beat it other. What gives people who are in a hetero relationship the right to tell people in a same sex relationship that they can't be happy and have the same rights as everyone else?
We really are going back to the 50s (seems like the 1850s sometimes) where all these people want the 'little woman' to go back to the kitchen and not be allowed to make the decisions about her own body.
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:36 pm (UTC)I honestly do not understand how someone can look at those wonderful photos from the first day that same-sex marriage became legal in New York and think that this is is bad thing. I can't even think about some of those elderly couples who have been together for decades and were finally able to wed without getting all teary-eyed.
I was the legal witness when my transgender friend married her wife (because thanks to a convoluted set of state laws about documents for transpeople it was perfectly legal at the time based on their current IDs) The first time I ever marched in a protest was at an anti Prop-8 rally in downtown Chicago, where I proudly carried a sign that I made what showed big flaming meteors and read "The sky didn't fall in Massachusetts!!!"
I really don't get why this kind of thing is a problem. *sigh*
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Date: 2012-12-18 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-18 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:44 pm (UTC)Old love; it fills my heart with pride.
Sweet love; we rightly give it fame!
And whether gay or straight, it's all the same!
no subject
Date: 2012-12-18 04:40 am (UTC)Yes.
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:45 pm (UTC)I reminded my fellow women that early voting ends today by quoting the last stanza of "Wicked Girls" on my Facebook - our rights are at stake this election, as are the rights of every non-heteronormative person in this country.
And I will be voting very soon, with my asexual pack sister at my side, in a goddamn Browncoats t-shirt, because REBELS and standing up for what is RIGHT. Romney/Paul are not. They are 1950s. 1950s was not right.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-18 04:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 05:48 pm (UTC)And even if our power's not back, you can be damn sure I'm going to go vote.
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Date: 2012-11-02 07:46 pm (UTC)Anyway, yeah. My parents have a friend, Bruce, who is very reclusive and generally a nice, philosophical guy with lots of thoughts.
Sadly, one of those thoughts is "Gay people shouldn't get married. It would hurt marriage between men and women."
And every time my parents ask him, "How exactly does, say, Joaquin and Bear [her college friends] getting married affect your thirty-five year marriage to Bonnie?" he never has an answer, he just gives a lemon face puckered look.
I will never forget the look on his face when I accidentally on purpose let it slip that I am bisexual, last Thanksgiving, when my husband and I did our annual visit. He was philosophizing about Ancient Greece with my husband and me, and in the middle of my reply I said "...and since I am bixsexual..." And I watched his face carefully. It was fascinating, watching him try to keep the absolute shock off his face. He had known me since I was a toddler (his son and I went to the same pre-school) so he apparently decided that freaking out in front of my very accepting family would be weird.
I think he's used to it by now.
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Date: 2012-11-02 05:59 pm (UTC)It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.
And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling."
-- Keith Olbermann, from his comment on Prop 8.
Which is basically my feeling on it. Because I do not believe in, will not accept, and cannot take action in favor of, ways to deny anyone the right and privilege of a bond that powerful.
Here in Washington state is the chance to vote into law the right for all people of all preferences to marry - not just civil unions, but full-on marriage. As of yesterday it was polling at 60% in favor of just that. Fingers crossed!
no subject
Date: 2012-11-03 12:18 am (UTC)Wishing you well in Washington State...
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2012-11-02 06:07 pm (UTC)2). What he did say is linked (i.e. even if he were agin' it, a hurricaine would not be indicated)
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5%3A45&version=KJV
no subject
Date: 2012-12-18 04:41 am (UTC)2) I know. :)