Literary limericks, take one.

[seanan_mcguire]

Boredom does strange things. So does anxiety. Combine the two, and you're likely to end up with things like...

Limericks About Books Seanan Loves Dearly.

IT:
Poor Georgie ran after his boat;
The clown said 'down here, we all float'.
Now Stuttering Bill
Has a monster to kill,
Or It's certain to tear out his throat!

Fire and Hemlock:
Don't put a book down on its face,
Or trust men who come from That Place.
Gran tried hard to advise,
But our Pol wasn't wise,
And got caught in a fairy-time race.

The Stand:
A sniffle, a cough, and a sneeze,
And the whole world is brought to its knees.
God said 'no more rain,'
But why should he refrain
From deluging the world with disease?

The Dark Tower (full series):
No mortal hands this Tower rose
In the fields where the universe grows.
Now Roland must wander
From home to the yonder
To learn what he already knows.

Mirabile:
Don't tie DNA up in bows;
You can't control just where it goes,
And you will be vexed
When you're Kangaroo Rex'd.
Genetics should not be freak shows.

On Writing:
Slaughter your darlings, my friends;
Let adverbs seek swift, messy ends.
Whatever is uttered,
Use 'said' and not 'muttered,'
And follow the tale where it bends.

Limerick me! I want to see what the twisted minds of the rest of the world can produce. Also, I find this funny.

Comments

[the-gwenzilliad.livejournal.com]

Fire and Hemlock:
Don't put a book down on its face,
Or trust men who come from That Place.
Gran tried hard to advise,
But our Pol wasn't wise,
And got caught in a fairy-time race.

<3

(I might have omitted 'hard' from l. 4, but that's probably just the difference between the way I hear it and you do. ;) )

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I think you're right, actually. How does this grab you:

Don't put a book down on its face,
Or trust men who come from That Place.
Gran sought to advise,
But our Pol wasn't wise,
And got caught in a fairy-time race.

?

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

You're a Janet Kagan fan too? I knew there was a reason I liked you :-)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Mirabile and Hellspark are two of my Most Favorite Books Ever.

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

I e-mailed Janet back and forth when I was starting out. She offered a great deal of advice and encouragement, and gave me one of my most treasured blurbs for Goblin Quest. I was so sad when she passed away this year...

(Ironically, during that time when Janet and I were chatting writing, she somehow ended up e-mailing my mother as well. I think Mom and Janet wound up being better friends than she and I.)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

The fact that I never had the chance to get to know her makes me deeply sad. Her books were a lot of what made me decide I wanted to be a writer when I grew up (well, her, and Stephen King).

I never gave up hope for a sequel to Hellspark. The fact that her work was never better known is practically a crime.

[jacylrin.livejournal.com]

There once was a man from the Shire
Whose predicament soon became dire;
Some friends he did bring
To go ditch the ring,
Then with the elves did he retire

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

[fatherofdragons.livejournal.com]

(Warning, I'm not good at counting beats! And I suspect you kind of have to slur Jovians to make this work at all.)

Spacehounds of IPC (http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/20857)
A liner to Mars was en-route
When some Jovians sliced it like fruit!
But one guy slipped away --
With his girl, saved the day,
And the baddies were given the boot*!


((Mostly by some flying serpents from South Polar Jupiter with a fetish for the number seven who had barely merited a mention in the book before then, but what the hey -- it's still a heck of a fun piece of vintage space opera.))

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I don't know the book, but rock on you!

[markbernstein.livejournal.com]

"It's a Good Life":
The day Anthony first was born
The town from its moorings was torn
Always say life is good
If you don't, then you could
End up deep in the field of corn

Time's short - more later, perhaps.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

...dude. You have rocked me like whoa.

[lapintada.livejournal.com]

i have to admit that you're making LJ-Land a fun place to read again -- at least for me.

thank you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yay! You're very welcome, and I'm very happy. :)

[sweetmusic-27.livejournal.com]

The Phantom Tollbooth:
Poor Milo was struck with ennui,
'till the strangest of toys set him free!
He met numbers and letters,
And now thinks it better
To live his life and not just 'be.'

American Gods:
Shadow's a tragic ex-convict
Who's just found out Odin's a dick.
But try as he might,
He can't save the god's fight,
So he's hung himself up on a stick.

Matilda:
A brilliant young woman, Matilda,
Heard "Your headmistress is out to kill ya!"
She's saving Miss Honey,
Her folks now look funny;
Telekinesis makes her a thrilla.

Beowulf:
Hrothgar is in some deep scit
'Cause his mead-hall just keeps getting hit.
But here comes a Geat
To accomplish the feat -
Monster? Mom? Dragon? That's it!
('Scitan' is an Old English verb that gave us the word we know and pronounce the same way today!)

[bercilakslady.livejournal.com]

I think I love you. The Beowulf verse is perfect.

*goes off giggling madly*

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Made. Of. Win.

[biguglymandoll.livejournal.com]

Deep Scit!!! I nearly spit my coffee! Thank you!

[jacylrin.livejournal.com]

Ack. You're evil. My brain cannot be trusted unattended.

The His Dark Materials Trilogy by Philip Pullman.

The Golden Compass
A compass that points to the truth;
For stolen children Lyra'll sleuth
With her Gyptian friends,
And ere story ends
An armored bear lends claw and tooth.

The Subtle Knife
Lyra, Pan, and Will find a knife
Whose edge severs more than just life:
Between worlds they go,
But they cannot know
Their cutting will compound their strife.

The Amber Spyglass
With spyglass can dust Mary see,
While Lyra and Will the dead free:
Our worlds they do cure,
Only to endure
A true love that can never be.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Lovely!

[jacylrin.livejournal.com]

Nope, brain's still going. *sigh*

Anne McCaffrey's Pern novels:

On a lovely world we call Pern
The dragons and humans in turn
Put fire to the thread
Until it was dead
Since technology they did spurn.


Make it stop? As soon as I stop snickering?

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

[markbernstein.livejournal.com]

"Stranger in a Strange Land":
There once was a Martian named Smith
Who gathered his own chosen kith
Now they all play the deity
With great carnal gaiety
"Thou art God"'s the Heinleinian myth

"Baby Is Three":
While our being is not without fault
Our new species is one I'd exalt
For with mental block solved
We're now free to evolve
As we learn to be Homo Gestalt

"The Cold Equations":
As you travel the vastness Out There
Always calculate fuel use with care
Or an innocent stowaway
Becomes one more throwaway
For physical laws just don't care

"The Eyre Affair":
In Thursday Next's world, I have heard
All treasure the well-written word
And it gladdens all hearts
When the crowd plays its part
In that cult classic, "Richard III"

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

You, sir, are a golden god.

[markbernstein.livejournal.com]

*blush*

You are too kind.