There are lines. Please stop crossing them.

[seanan_mcguire]

When I posted about depression, I said that I was giving myself comment amnesty; I said that I might not (probably would not) read the comments.

Since then, people have contacted me via email (when they had it), via my old email (which I rarely check), via my contact form, via Facebook, and via my Tumblr, to give me their phone numbers, to tell me not to hurt myself (which I did not threaten to do), to provide crisis hotlines, to make suggestions about medication (which I did not solicit), and in one case, to threaten to report me to the police as a suicide risk if I did not update my blog immediately to show that I was still alive.

Please. Stop. "Comment amnesty" did not mean "work harder to make sure that your words, your well wishes, your specific need to engage with my depression will be heard." I try to keep open dialogs on this blog, and I usually appreciate communication, but right now, this contact is intrusive, and upsetting, and seems to prioritize the needs of the contacting person above mine. Please. Stop.

This is why I do not talk when I am sad.

Comments

[effervescent.livejournal.com]

Holy shit. I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with people being so intrusive and obnoxious like that.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I completely understand that this is coming from a place of "I want to help." I've experienced the same reaction from friends and family members at other points in my life. And that is when I, and other sad people, sometimes stop opening up. Because it feels less like support, and more like "STOP INCONVENIENCING ME WITH YOUR DEPRESSION."

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

Wow. Not cool. Had you given any indication that you were currently entertaining thoughts of self harm or suicide, yeah, I could understand, but you didn't.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

No, I didn't.

[gammelor.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry people have been ignoring your expressed wishes. I shall send my colony of Aeslin mice after them. Especially since without you, I wouldn't have been acquired by said colony.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Excellent plan. A+

[martianmooncrab.livejournal.com]

everyone gets depressed .. you have the honesty about yours that you have shared. A lot of folks wouldnt do that, mostly because of the responses you are talking about. Not everyone goes through life on an even keel, there are extreme highs and lows throughout a life. You cant have one without the other. We all have bad days, its a fact. We have days where its difficult to get out of bed, to function "normally", to be polite to people who should have their heads ripped off their bodies and used to play basketball with. But, its up to us to deal with it. Yes, we can be good friends to someone going through depression, but, there are boundaries. Not everything should be an intervention.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

If I need an intervention, I have absolute faith that Vixy, and Amy, and Kate, and others will make sure it happens.

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Wow, harassment much? The threat to report you might warrant reporting itself--or at least keeping in a file with a watch out for any future contact from that narcissistic White Knight wannabe (those people are the worst, from what I can tell, hell-bent on "saving" people so they can glory in their own endless generosity of spirit, trampling anyone who isn't a grateful enough "rescue" victim).

No good deed goes unpunished. :(

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I get that almost all of these were probably well-meaning (the threat to report did not feel that way), but yeah. This is why people don't talk honestly about these situations.

[hsb.livejournal.com]

In case you ever see this. I'm sorry people did that.

H

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[azurelunatic]

aslkjfdalksjdfklasjdf

I remain happy to loan you mom my maglite, watch her purse, and swear she was with me the whole time.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

...I love you.

[kittycat22.livejournal.com]

Just because you're a semi-public figure who has chosen to share openly with her audience does not give anyone any right to be so invasive and intrusive and disrespect your express wishes. I'm hate that you had that experience, and hope people respect your boundaries now.

You do so much with your words. I'd hate for the incredible boundary violations to create fear for you to continue to use your words so incredibly well and strongly.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[sarahfish.livejournal.com]

Wow, sounds like a lot of people totally misinterpreted your post. Way to alienate people, guys. :/ I'm sorry about the threat in particular... what a horrible invasion of privacy! And manipulative, to boot!

I hope this doesn't cause you to remain silent when you want to speak, especially on your own personal blog. To have that voice abused just really sucks.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

It does, but I am stubborn, and do not shut up easy.

[beckyh2112.livejournal.com]

*hugs, if permitted* I am so sorry people have behaved that way.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[ben wolfe (from livejournal.com)]

I'm firmly of the opinion that the various people who ignored your clearly expressed wishes (and on that note, HULK SCIENTIST SMASH; the researcher in me calls that a violation of declared intent, and I collect heads for lesser shit) need a certain amount of loving thrashing with the stick that says "It's Not About What You Want, It's What Seanan Wants That Matters Here", usually condensed to "It's Not About You". Your desires on this matter are what matters, and various people don't get that your desires are superordinate to theirs. Fuckers.

[sarahfish.livejournal.com]

Well said, sir.

[yarram.livejournal.com]

I am sorry that you have had to deal with concern trolls trolling their concern all over your internet, inbox, and various other sundry places.

Anything else would be mere commiseration, so I will simply say, "Thank you for sharing your story. Continue to be awesome."

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[kyrielle]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Also, wtf. I mean, you were very clear that you had active coping strategies in place. And that you wanted to be able to read or not-read replies as you chose. Holy not honoring boundaries. :(

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

[priscellie.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm so sorry people were so misguided and invasive. This is definitely one of those situations were good intentions are nowhere near good enough.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Agree.

[danaoshee.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly, this is why I'm only now admitting how bad I was, now that I'm a year into meds that work and can finally honestly say that suicidal thoughts are gone for the first time in 16 years. I never wanted to even tell therapists how bad it was before because I was terrified someone would try to commit me.
"OH GOD LET'S TREAT THIS LIKE A CRISIS" is so very much not what people living with chronic conditions, of any sort, need.
especially, for fucks sake, when the post made is "I'm so much better now." WTF is wrong with people.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I don't even know.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Huh. I thought you were pretty clear about what your provisions in terms of deciding against permanent self-harm were. I've read "I'm going to go commit suicide now, bye!" posts, and that wasn't one of them.

I'm usually glad people at least mean well, but not in all circumstances.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

[pernwebgoddess.livejournal.com]

As a fellow depression sufferer, I read your post for what it was; a "this is what's going in my head" sort of thing. Not a plea for help. I'll never understand those who demand their voice be heard in spite of requests to the contrary.

People are asshats. On the bright side... the vast majority of us didn't get weird on you, so that's something, right?

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

That is absolutely something.

[lazzchan.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry that people did that to you. *hugs* I'll send my private army of evil animals after them, shall I?

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yes!

[tylik.livejournal.com]

Yeesh. Typically, the stupid bugs me most (I'm not saying there aren't better reasons to be bugged, it's rather like when I'm less annoyed at students for cheating than for doing it so very incompetently). I suppose there is a macro-cultural bit biasing people towards freaking out about any reference to suicide, but... buh? (And even that assumes that there are micro-cultures where people make it through their teens without most of the people they know having thought about suicide at some time or another. Really, I don't know.)

I do not know why the image of throwing caramel popcorn balls (by implication, at people one likes) seems like an antidotal activity.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

It would help a lot. Come over, we'll make some.

[capplor.livejournal.com]

Just a stupid question: Is this blog meant to be read by friends or fans? I consider myself your friend (also fan, but mainly friend), but I know I"m not your "inner circle". I'm aware of them and trust that if you really needed help on that front, they would be better aware and more capable than I am of helping you. (But if you needed MY help, I'd give it).

I'm not surprised people who don't know you as well as I do are over-reacting. They may not know what good friends you have and fear that they COULD stop a suicide attempt and would feel responsible if they didn't. (Long distance, e-mail? I know MY writing chops aren't up to that.)

I didn't comment on the last post because "suicide" in my mind makes less sense than "emotion" to a Vulcan. Call me lucky; I'm not being smug; it just isn't there. I hope you keep the good friends and keep remembering what you mean to them/us.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

This is a fan blog, run for my fans. That is why I made the post. It is too often easy to say "I am the only one who feels this way," and for better or for worse, right now, my voice has reach. People who needed to see those words written down may grant them credence because they came from me.

That does not justify ignoring my clearly stated wishes. That does not justify ascribing motivations which I did not ascribe to myself. That does not justify willfully invading my privacy out of "worry." This is why it's important that people who will be heard speak up: because people react like this, which makes saying anything at all virtually impossible.

[anna-en-route.livejournal.com]

It sucks that people are doing this, I'm really sorry.

I really appreciate the way you talk about mental health, it's helped me put some of the ways my partner behaves and thinks into a new context and reframe some of the ways I behave in return, so thank you for that.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

You are so welcome.

[libwitch.livejournal.com]

oh my gosh. I understand that folks might be coming from good intentions, but I read your blog post and thought what you were writing about and what you your intentions were very clear. Writing such a thoughtful and well-articulated post should not be the cause for stress of this sort for you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[tfcocs.livejournal.com]

I had meant to comment on the original post about depression the other day. As a mental health professional, and as someone who has dealt with depression most of my life, I applaud you for telling the truth about this ailment.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That means a lot to me right now.

[ironed_orchid]

Wishing I could stand between you and some of these well meaning people while wielding a clue bat.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I wish I could hide under your bed with all the cats.

[clodia-risa.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. I was so grateful that you posted that. It makes me feel better that I have periodic suicide ideations. And it made me feel better that someone I admire so much still deals with depression. I'm sorry that people are idiots, but I am truly grateful that you posted that.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

You are so very welcome.