You sunburnt sicklemen, of August weary...

[seanan_mcguire]

It is August now. The Hugo voting is closed; the ballots have been cast, and what remains is fussing and fretting, putting on our finest things, and walking to the presentation room like Tributes to the Hunger Games (although we don't have to kill each other to win, which is probably* a good thing). Nothing we can do now changes anything.

I mostly haven't talked about my feelings about the Hugos, because it felt a little too much like campaigning to me, like even saying "I liked this" or "I didn't like this" would be casting too much weight behind an opinion. I'm not saying that my feelings are accurate; I've seen a lot of people dissect the ballot, and I don't think any less of them, and they didn't sway my votes. But it's hard to ignore the small, scared voice in your head that says "don't do that, it's not allowed," and I've been too tired to fight it.

I have strong feelings about almost every category. I have the Winners I Want, which may or may not bear any resemblance to the Winners Who Win. And no, I am not the Winner I Want in every single category. While I desperately want to win (please, Great Pumpkin, please), I actually want to be beaten in at least one category. I want to see people I love win. I want to see people I respect win. All the nominees are incredibly deserving of victory. Barring a statistically unlikely mass tie, not all the nominees are going to win.

And yes, I'm terrified. I'm the first woman ever to make the ballot four times in a single year, which is amazing, but if I become the first woman ever to lose four times in a single night, I'm not going to be in a very good mental place. More like a "hand me the port, lock me in the bathroom, and walk away before the crying starts" place. And it's not that I'm a bad loser, and it's not that I don't know every single winner will deserve it. It's that broken hearts are painful, and I've met me enough times to know that I'll be devastated, no matter how often I'm told not to be.

It is an honor to be nominated. I do, genuinely, want to win. I don't think there's anything wrong with my expressing that honest sentiment after voting has closed; it can't change anything, and no matter who does win, I know that they'll deserve it.

This is huge. It is amazing. It is an honor to be nominated, it is mind-blowing to look at the ballot and think, "these are some of the giants of science fiction and fantasy, and there I am, me, and my friends, some of my best friends, and we're with them, and to a little girl like I was, looking at this ballot in twenty years, we'll be them." When I was a little girl looking at pictures of Isaac Asimov's Hugo Awards, I asked Santa to bring me one (maybe I should have asked the Birthday Skeleton). Now I have the chance to get one the legitimate, non-supernatural-being-initiated way. And it's huge, and it's terrifying, and I have a very pretty dress, and two very pretty dates for the ceremony, and...

And it's August. It's almost here.

Oh Great Pumpkin who waits for Harvest, hallowed be thy patch...

(*Only probably. The Valente/Hines/Cornell/Bear/McGuire alliance would take out half of the science fiction community before we were forced to turn on each other. My dress has big skirts. You can hide a surprising number of knives under big skirts.)

Comments

[hms42]

I am hoping that you go home with at least one for your writing ability. (And I voted on Monday evening.)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I am very glad that you voted. :)

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

*x-ing digits for you*

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[bercilakslady.livejournal.com]

This was in some categories a tough call, and in others it was pretty easy.

Much good luck to you!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[jammiesest.livejournal.com]

Many good wishes, because you deserve to win!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

At least the nominee pins are easy to transport [1]. If you do win all four, getting the trophies home may be interesting (do this year's have a profile that when viewed in xray will attract the attention of anti-terrorist squads?). Plus four at once puts you that much closer to edging out the current holder of most nominations without a win. When you look at it correctly all outcomes are a win of one sort or another.

1: And store. I keep mine in my John Singer bowl.

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking if she wins all four she might have to ship them home...

[stormsdotter.livejournal.com]

My bridesmaids are also seamstresses. I was Very Unhappy when they refused to put hidden slits in the skirt so I could put things in thigh sheaths. I am somewhat embarrassed to say I only had two blades on my during my wedding. He wasn't wearing any.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Aw.

I'm sorry.

[danceswithlife]

Novella was my hardest choice. Rank voting at least insured I could name my favorites. But #1 was rough.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yeah, seriously.

I did not vote myself in that category.

[martianmooncrab.livejournal.com]

And it's August. It's almost here.

I have already started to look for Halloween items, mostly of course, this years Halloween Barbies. One can never start too soon looking for those!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yes!

I am excited.

[jane-dark.livejournal.com]

I voted! And I'm crossing my digits for you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[qnofhrt.livejournal.com]

I voted and will be in the audience, hopefully watching you win. But win or lose, we'll all still be here, amazed at your apparently endless energy and eagerly awaiting the next book (and CD?).

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I start recording on Saturday. ;)

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

ironchefjoe and I got supporting memberships for the first time ever, specifically so we could vote. (For you.)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

...I love you so.

[groblek.livejournal.com]

This year was a hard one for me to decide how to vote. There were multiple good entries in several of the categories. Last year, I rarely found a second choice I liked in a category, while this year I really had to think hard and reread stories to decide on the order I wanted to rank them on the ballot. I'm very glad we decided to get a supporting membership this year - I've been introduced to several good authors I hadn't read before now.

Also, I'm well aware of how good skirts are for hiding weapons. Before the Army posted her elsewhere, we used to do a routine at Faire where we got a friend to shed her weapons before a dance set. She'd routinely pull out around twenty hidden blades of some sort, and I know she never actually fully disarmed. :)

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

My aunt is a nun (retired). The old style habits (pushed out of use as a consequence of the Quiet Revolution, I think) had pockets a whole yardstick could fit into.

[purpleranger.livejournal.com]

If it will make you feel any better, remember that several years ago, Mike Resnick had four nominations, and won only one. If you do go 0 for 4, I'm sure he'll be the first to sympathize with you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I will sympathize when I finish drinking heavily.

[pameladean]

I did make sure to vote before I sold my membership. I will be thinking of you and other friends with great fondness and anxiety.

P.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you. We will miss you, and I hope I see you soon.

[missingvolume.livejournal.com]

I left voting to the last minute but got it done in time. Good luck, I'll be at Dragoncon watching my twitter feed for results and keeping my fingers crossed.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[alitalf.livejournal.com]

I managed to vote in some but not all Hugo categories. (I only voted in categories where I felt I had considered all the nominations properly. It seemed to me in some categories that the choices even between the first 3 were very narrow, and perhaps two or three nominations deserved to win.)

Now I look forward to being able to applaud you winning at least once at the Hugo ceremony. Nothing is certain 'til it actually happens, but I think this is a reasonable thing to hope for.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[calico-reaction.livejournal.com]

Are you willing to share your hopes on who wins now that voting is over and your opinion won't carry any weight in that regard? If not, I understand, but I would love to know who you feel deserves to win what. :)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Not yet. I'm still trying to sort out what that says, since again, my opinions feel like they have more weight than they should sometimes, and I've been really hurt when I saw someone I was on a ballot with saying they didn't think I deserved to win.

[yellowblackhaze.livejournal.com]

I can't make it this year, but I have voted and I'm eagerly awaiting the results. Hoping you can go home with at least one shiny rocket ship.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[vr-trakowski.livejournal.com]

All else aside, I first misread the entry title as "You sunburnt chickens", and was amused.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Heeeee.

[rhoda-rants.livejournal.com]

May the odds be ever in your favor.

And I clearly need to start wearing skirts....

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

May I kill all who oppose me?

[arib.livejournal.com]

Fingers crossed!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[batyatoon]

Fingers crossed for you, o my blonde. <33333

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<33333

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

I voted, because when you posted that voting closed tonight...on the 30th...the moment of sheer panicked terror crystalized two votes I'd been waffling about.

I voted for you, more than once, but not every chance I had. Some of the choices were hard. I am so, so very glad that you were a choice. Not all of the ballot was to my taste (and I don't think it should be, necessarily, aside from the little 'it's all about ME' :P), but I was delighted by some of it. And so, so happy to vote.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you got to vote, and had the opportunity to be a part of Hugo history.

I don't expect everyone to vote for me, so your doing it at all is a great gift. :)

And oh, I hope Wicked Girls wins...

[laurenthemself]

I am crossing my fingers for you and also wondering whether we'll get to see a picture of this big-skirted dress, as it greatly intrigues me.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

There will be pictures!

[paksenarrion2.livejournal.com]

Crossing everything crossable (except the eyes because Mom always told me they would get stuck that way if I cross them) for you.

And don't hide knives under the skirt. Hide the cats!! They also make excellent weapons in additions to being warm and fuzzy. plus the added benefit of not leaving them behind and making them mad. *grin*

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I don't have a lazy eye because I'm an eye-crosser.

True fact.