Dear girls of the world today...

[seanan_mcguire]

Dear girls of the world today;

There is nothing wrong with you.

Everything I see, everything I read, everything I hear, is geared toward telling you that something is wrong with you. You're too fat. You're too thin. Your skin is terrible. You look too young. You look too old. You're too smart, you're too dumb, you talk too much, you don't talk enough, you're broken, you're flawed, you're bad. And all those things are lies. They are exaggerations. They are designed to pick on the things you feel insecure about, and convince you that you will never be happy unless you force yourself into their standards of perfection.

They will tell you that you are weak; that girls can't deal with spiders or do math or love snakes or run nations or be scientists. They will tell you that you must be indecisive, flighty, more interested in the interests that are chosen for you than the ones that you choose for yourself. They will tell you that you have to change yourself to suit them, and then they will keep moving the goalposts, so that you're never done changing, and you're never allowed to be you. And they are wrong. They are so, so wrong, and you are better than the lies they tell you.

If you are a girl, you are a girl. Period, finish, end statement. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you enjoy doing. It doesn't matter what your assigned birth sex is or was. It doesn't matter who or what or why you love. All that matters is that you love, and that you accept that you are you, and you are awesome.

It's okay if you love pink. Some girls genuinely do. I genuinely do. Once, we would all have been viewed as cross-dressing and weird for liking pink, which was a male color. Times change. If you want to own your own pinkness, do, and don't let anyone tell you that makes you less of a feminist.

It's okay if you hate pink. You're not denying your gender or letting down the side, or anything else like that. You're a person, and there are a lot of colors out there to fall in love with. I recommend orange, green, and anything that sears your retinas.

Frills and lace and high heels and makeup are all fine. So are denim and combat boots and tattoos. So is everything between those extremes.

Collect dolls or knives or books or interesting rocks. Watch horror movies or romances or cartoons. Run races; go to spas. Eat cake or lettuce. Buy yourself a toy light saber and make your own wooooom noises while you wave it around; build a cardboard castle and chuck plush mushrooms at your would-be rescuers. Live your life, the way you want to live it, and understand that no one can kick you out of "the girl club" for doing it wrong, because you're not.

You're doing it exactly right, and I love you for that.

Corn maze love,
Me.

Comments

[songfire3.livejournal.com]

<3 Thank you!

Would you mind if I repost this?

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Not at all.

[purplefrog26.livejournal.com]

Standing Ovation! This is what I want to teach my nieces.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

[danjite.livejournal.com]

..and we love you for this (and many other things).

I remember living in Thailand and K being complimented on the whiteness of her skin and oh so many shelves being stocked at drugstores with skin whiteners and our friends not believing her when we told them that in the US dark skin was stylish for white people and that our shelves were full of skin bronzers.

The fact of there being an international, multi-billion dollar conspiracy/industry based on making folks feel bad about themselves... *#$&^#@%

[liddle-oldman.livejournal.com]

There is an advertising maxim -- "If you can make a woman hate herself enough, you can sell her anything."

[ravnsdaughter.livejournal.com]

*applause*

You are awesome for posting this, because it is 100% true.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

You are wonderful.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

You are, too.

[suzanna-o.livejournal.com]

Yes!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

:)

[scarybaldguy.livejournal.com]

*applause*

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[deanna rodriguez (from livejournal.com)]

This is beautiful. Thank you.

When I read things like it, I actively think about how lucky and blessed I am in my family. The only thing I ever wanted to do that they had the 'girls don't do that' reaction to is play drums. And my dad flat out told me I could - and should!- be President. I was taught to play the piano and basketball, dancing and drafting, cooking and carpentry. Was some of that because I have no brothers? Maybe, but I suspect not. Strong women are a family tradition for us.

In the 'like pink and still be a feminist' vein, you can also choose to be a stay home parent and still be a feminist. I am so tired of feminists telling me that I didn't make that decision, it was forced on me. If we'd made it a year earlier, my husband would have taken the sabbatical to deal with what needed doing. He would have gone back, whereas I didn't, but I'm even lucky in that, because now I have time to explore all the art and music my heart desires, travel and am looking at how to turn what I love into an income stream rather than drudging through a tech industry job.

Although now and again I do entertain President. :-)

And I'm going to my first drum retreat in two weeks!

[archangelbeth]

I wonder if the "girls don't do that" reaction towards drums was a desperate scramble to avoid Drum Practice in the house? O;D (We breathed a sigh of relief when our daughter picked trumpet instead of drums, for her Band instrument in 4th grade -- trumpet was the closest to French Horn, which she had heard and adored, and which she now plays.)

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

Thank you!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Very welcome.

[deatwood.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

This is wonderfully said, and thank you. I would like to pass this along, if you don't mind. It is right for all girls, of all ages.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Absolutely.

[fullcontactmuse.livejournal.com]

Despite one small piece of problematic language, this is win. Thank you. <3

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Which part is problematic? I am happy to fix, unless it's the "cross-dressing and weird," which is meant to reflect how girls in pink were viewed during the period when pink was a male color, and hence wearing it was viewed as a negative form of cross-dressing by many societal monitors. (At the time, there was no socially acceptable form of female cross-dressing that I am aware of.)

[liddle-oldman.livejournal.com]

Preach it. This is truth.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[taldragon.livejournal.com]

i love this, you are awesome and i'm just sad it even needs to be said.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[wenhaver.livejournal.com]

You know what's really messed up? While there has always been gendered toys and "you can't, because you're a girl", there used to be gender-free toys, like Legos. Now there's GIRL Legos, that are pink and purple and have shops and cafes. Because, you know, girls can't like spaceships and ninjas. this ad is from the year I was born. My kid will never see something like this today. She's 6.

I will admit that there's better female role models in today's media, if you look for them. This is a friend's Facebook status from yesterday: "The girls this afternoon, watching Dr. Who with me while I'm sewing. Gray: "Next time we play, I'm gonna be River." Evelyn: "This one, or the Firefly one?" They've got it lucky. I always got stuck playing April O'Neil from Ninja Turtles. She was always the one getting tied up and had to be rescued. Lol, my "badass" character I always wanted to play wasn't even a girl, and not many of my friends wanted to play Indiana Jones with a female Indy. So when they're slaying reavers and riding back to Serenity on their My Little Ponies, it makes me smile."

[archangelbeth]

And I have high hopes for Korra, in the second Airbender cartoon... (They had Toph and Katara for the first one, who got steadily more and more awesome.)

[markbernstein.livejournal.com]

You? Are making the world a better place.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I try.

[ceosanna.livejournal.com]

This needs a repost/LOVE button, like whoa.

Thank you for putting into words what needs to be said and for doing it so eloquently.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Very welcome.

[lauraajk.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly! So well said. Thank you!

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Very welcome.

[ebenbrooks.livejournal.com]

Mind if I (or someone, as long as someone does) metaquotes this?

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Go for it!

[xjenavivex.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Welcome.

[ttamsen.livejournal.com]

If you are a girl, you are a girl. Period, finish, end statement. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you enjoy doing. It doesn't matter what your biological gender is or was. It doesn't matter who or what or why you love. All that matters is that you love, and that you accept that you are you, and you are awesome.

Thank you thank you thank you. This is getting printed up in fancy fonts and going on the wall.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

<3

[alymid.livejournal.com]

AWESOME! Thank you for saying it so well.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Very welcome.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[hoppytoad79.livejournal.com]

Collect dolls or knives or books or interesting rocks.

Or all of the above. I take great pride in my collection of shrunken heads from around the world. Did you know they make great replacements for American Girls doll heads? It's amazing how well they fit. ;D

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[spitphyre.livejournal.com]

This is one of the best things I have ever read.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I am glad.

And also sad, because I feel like we shouldn't need to say this anymore.

[eilan.livejournal.com]

YOU are amazing.

(also, I'm going to repost and link here)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Thank you.