Blurb it! A game the whole family can play.

[seanan_mcguire]

You know those little things on books that are like, "This book raised my IQ twenty points!" &mdashA. Famous Author, or "The Ikeamancer series just keeps getting better," —Ima Writer? Those are called "blurbs." They're supposed to encourage you to buy the book, since clearly, people other than the author (or the author's mom) think it's good enough to read, and are thus providing valuable perspective.

So let's play the blurb game! You've been asked to blurb an existing book in a way that is honest, accurate, and true to your feelings on the text. Most of these will probably not be used for publication, because when I'm being honest, accurate, and true, there's a lot of swearing.

I'll start:

"This book is like a cozy blanket for my soul. A cozy blanket full of evil clowns and profanity. IT is the most comforting thing I have ever read." —Stephen King's IT.

"Matthew Swift's London crackles with electric fire, neon heartbreak, and all the power and sideways logic of urban sorcery. Kate Griffin is at the top of her game, and she just keeps getting better." —Kate Griffin's Neon Court.

"FUCK YEAH, SEAKING." —Peter Clines's Ex-Heroes.

"It takes a truly great story, and a truly great writer, to make a book about rabbits more true to the human condition than most books about humanity." —Richard Adams's Watership Down.

"Lucy Snyder attacks the page with the raw, manic intensity of an early Sam Raimi. Jessie Shimmer is urban fantasy's answer to Ash from The Evil Dead: ballsy, profane, and too much fun to put down." —Lucy Snyder's Spellbent.

"Hey, look! It's a retelling of 'Tam Lin' that makes me root for Janet! That never happens!" —Pamela Dean's Tam Lin.

"You need to meet the people in this book. They have things to tell you." —Janet Kagan's Hellspark.

"The true power of fairy tale archetypes is the way they let us tell the stories that need to be told while framing them in a veil of the familiar. Jim Hines has created a Cinderella with a future, a Sleeping Beauty with a past, and a Snow White present in more than merely apples. These books are all the stronger for not being 'serious' fiction; by the time you realize that you're learning, it's too late. You've been taught." —Jim Hines's The Stepsister Scheme.

Now it's your turn! BLURB THE WORLD!

Comments

[las.livejournal.com]

"I loved this book so much I married the author!" -- Gary A. Braunbeck's In Silent Graves

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

[tsgeisel.livejournal.com]

"You'll hate yourself for it, but you won't put it down until it's done.". - Battlefield Earth, L. Ron Hubbard

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's awesome.

[swordsmanscoke.livejournal.com]

OK, that Seaking one just cracked me the frak up.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

I would so buy a book with that as a serious blurb.

[ericcoleman]

A laugh riot, truly one of the funniest books I have ever read. It kept me in stitches till I finally put it down. - Clive Barker's The Damnation Game

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

"Never have the outcast, the downtrodden, the despised, even the physically deformed, been given such a chance to shine, to prove their right to exist in spite of the condescension and barely-disguised disgust of the pretty and powerful." -- J. R. R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Hee.

Okay, that's lovely.

*ducks and runs*

[snowcoma.livejournal.com]

"I was more excited for the next book than I was filled with an urge to throttle the author!" - Jim Butcher's Changes

"I needed this book like I needed a hug and a cup of hot cocoa. And a drag queen." -Cherie Priest, Bloodshot

"Amazing world building, realistic characters, and an enthralling plot! You won't want to smack the author at the end because she is your friend and she might cry, and that would make you very sad." -Mira Grant, Feed

Re: *ducks and runs*

[bookblather.livejournal.com]

Re: Changes blurb:

WORD, my friend. Freaking WORD.

Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

[faithfulcynic.livejournal.com]

"I've always wanted a way with words." - The Belgariad by David Eddings

"The only time I've ever cried at the death of Jesus." - Lamb by Christopher Moore

"I love this book but wish there weren't so many newspaper articles to read." - The Shining/IT by Stephen King

"It took me three tries to read this book. I kept catching the flu." - The Stand by Stephen King

Re: Not terribly clever but I'm running on two hours of sleep and only one cup of coffee :)

[bercilakslady.livejournal.com]

Your take on Lamb cracks me up. Thank you. :)

[paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com]

"Thrills, chills, badass magic puppy, elvin eye for the magic guy, and a cliffhanger -- what more could anyone ask?" -- Jim Butcher's Changes

"I now understand the Team Jacob! Team Edward! mentality in the Twilight books, but this is much, much better." -- Seanan McGuire's Late Eclipses

"Badass cop vs. Scientific Evil by historic evil guys? Gotta love it." -- Jonathan Maberry's Joe Ledger series.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Hee.

I love all of these.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

"The best reason ever for why you shouldn't stick the red berries from the side of the road in your mouth!" - Janet Kagan's Mirabile

[azurelunatic]

*cackle*

[eilan.livejournal.com]

"Take a step out on a limb of the best recorded family tree in history. Add some vampires into the mix, and you've got yourself an addiction!" - Anne Rice, The Queen of the Damned.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

[andrian6.livejournal.com]

"Not since the last episode of Blake's Seven has there been an ending like this one. I dare you not to be moved!" George R.R. Martin's A Game of Thrones.

[windbourne.livejournal.com]

*snrt* Yes. Very true. :3

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

This book is evil and twisted, and often moving and hilarious. While the author's public behavior can only be described as loathsome, if I could only bring one book to a desert island, it would be this one.

-Harlan Ellison's Shatterday.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Hee.

That rocks.

[madfilkentist]

"It's the first draft of the Silmarillion." -- Tolkien, Book of Lost Tales

"This book really improved my pitching arm." -- Abandoned Villages and Ghost Towns of New England, among other books no longer in my library

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

AWESOME.

[hntrpyanfar.livejournal.com]

"Hilarious Dirty Jobs with marine biologists that puts you right in the boat! Pretty factual too, at least until the dick-waving dolphins and sentient goo take over!" Fluke, Christopher Moore

[dark-towhead.livejournal.com]

Hooray for the Whaley-boys!

[dr-zrfq.livejournal.com]

"Lucy Snyder attacks the page with the raw, manic intensity of an early Sam Raimi...."

As an almost complete aside, I would not be surprised to find I'm the only one who must constantly go back and double-check whether we're talking about Sam Raimi the filmmaker, or Sam Ramey the operatic baritone.

But neither would I be surprised to find I'm *NOT* the only one, considering the bunch of weirdos we all are here.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

True.

Ah, weirdos. How I love you.

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

It made me sad. And angry. And hungry. - The Hunger Games Suzanne Collins

It's like Twilight with 75% more brains and 100% less sparkly vampires. - Linger Maggie Stiefvater

Fiction or prophecy... God, I hope it's fiction. FEED Mira Grant

[drcpunk.livejournal.com]

Re that third -- me too.

[dbcooper.livejournal.com]

"If you've ever wanted to root for the villain, read Soon I Will Be Invincible. Austin Grossman makes it really easy--but then turns right around and introduces a heroine who will make you feel pleasantly guilty for it."

"Of all the books combining elements of The Chronicles of Narnia, the Harry Potter stories, and Bright Lights, Big City, Lev Grossman's The Magicians is by far the most recent."

"Paolo Bacigalupi's The Windup Girl will make you sweat like the title character."

"When you finish Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, you'll--wait. Let me start again. IF you finish Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell..."

"The Anvil of the World takes a familiar fantasy trope--the caravan bit--and completely revivifies it with wonderfully vibrant and enjoyable characters. Then the caravan finishes its trip and the story really gets good."

[drcpunk.livejournal.com]

Oh, Anvil totally rocks. Hm.... blurbing it... no, let me blurb a different one. No, if I do that, it's a spoiler! Aieee!

too! much! fun!

[dark-towhead.livejournal.com]

"Half the fun is picking out which character from Arthurian legend has been turned into which gangbanging thug; the rest is watching a big cast of great characters built, nurtured, and then destroyed with skill and style." -- Maurice Broaddus' King Maker

"Puts the sizzle in Detroit's Devil's Night. This is the urban fantasy equivalent of a steak perfectly seasoned and prepared: yummy, spicy, and completely satisfying." -- Laura Bickle's Embers.

"A fairly great fairy rock n' roll affair!" -- Gael Baudino's The Gossamer Axe

Re: too! much! fun!

[catnip13.livejournal.com]

Gossamer Axe. Goddess, I love that book!

[blythe025.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! Love it.

Don't know I can quite blurb as well as you, though.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

It's a fun game!

[catnip13.livejournal.com]

"Don't miss the final adventures of MarySue and the CaveStud(tm) (though you'll probably will wish you did)." The Land of the Painted Caves , Jean Auel

[laurenthemself]

I have to read it. I've come this far, I can't stop now. (Same reasoning that had me watch the entire Saw movie series.)

I bet she invents the wheel. Do they have the wheel yet?

[sheistheweather]

"A novel full of intrigue, adventure, magic, and courage about a young red-haired girl, which I then gave to a real life young red-haired girl, who devoured it voraciously." -- Alanna: The First Adventure by Tamora Pierce

[lots42.livejournal.com]

'The Stand' is what happened to the character from 'IT' five years later.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

...ow.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

"CALGON TAKE ME AWAY" - James Clavell, Shogun.

"Your best Samurai Cinema - with bunnies!" - Stan Sakai, Usagi Yojimbo

"It makes such an amazing THUD when it hits the wall at 3 AM!" - Alan Moore, et al Watchmen

"Look a bit closer...no wait, you might draw back a stump. Use some care, but come over here and check this out. Didn't know about that, did you?" - Emma Boll, War For The Oaks

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Heh.

[lots42.livejournal.com]

I think I lost the point of this. Go me. 8-)

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

It's still fun!

[miladygrey.livejournal.com]

"At various times during this book, I laughed, cried, whimpered, and pitched it across the room screaming imprecations against the author. Read it so we can scream together!" ---George RR Martin's A Storm of Swords

"Do you truly believe that a man named Logen "The Bloody-Nine" Ninefingers can have a happy ending? If so...um, this may not be your type of book." ---Joe Abercrombie's The First Law trilogy

"Listen, don't listen to me, listen. Read this book." ---Peter S Beagle's The Last Unicorn

"Mort and Binky--you'll want to take a holiday with them!" ---Terry Pratchett's "Mort"

"Not all fairy tales have a 'happily-ever-after'. For Lissar, there is only 'after'." ---Robin McKinley's Deerskin

"If you've ever been convinced that you were born to Impress a dragon, sail the Earthsea archipelago, or destroy an evil ring, meet Mor. She's one of us." ---Jo Walton's Among Others

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

Hee!