12 things about authors.
Feb. 17th, 2011 08:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seanan_mcguireWe are now twelve days from the release of Late Eclipses [Amazon]|[Mysterious Galaxy]. I'm starting to freak out, and that means it's time to talk about things that make authors freak out. Here are twelve things about authors.
12. Asking an author who has just released a book (or is in pre-release for a book) "When's the next one?" is like asking a woman who's nine months pregnant "When's the next one?", only the author is probably not nine months pregnant, and is thus more likely to hit you. I am aware that this metaphor makes me out to be one of those faintly frightening women with twelve children, planning for twelve more. It's still true.
11. Most authors don't know where their ideas come from. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't ask; I seriously doubt I could be the one who killed that question in the hearts and minds of readers everywhere (although if I was, SFWA would probably saint me). It just means that when we answer you, we're probably lying.
10. No, that nice author you met on the bus once doesn't want to read your manuscript. I'm sorry. That nice dentist you met on the bus once doesn't want to clean your teeth for free, either.
9. An author on deadline is faintly neurotic, faintly obsessive, faintly hysterical, faintly depressed, and faintly insane. Sometimes just one of these; sometimes all five. Poke at your own risk.
8. Most authors are writing the genres they're writing because they love them. Telling a romance writer he or she should write a real book is a good way to find out how heavy that romance writer's satchel or purse really is.
7. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. I would, however, do that for research, especially since research, unlike love, is tax-deductible.
6. Authors who say "I'm staying home to write on Friday night" aren't saying "I am lonely, please save me from myself." They're saying "I'm staying home to write on Friday night." This goes double for authors with day jobs.
5. I dare anyone who says writing isn't work to copy-edit and revise a three hundred page manuscript in under a month. Oh, and it has to be better when you finish than it was when you started. If you can do that, you can say anything you want.
4. Authors tend to be fiscally conservative, because there's rarely a guarantee of when the next check will come. This makes us dangerous in warehouse stores. We really do go "I could totally buy enough toilet paper wholesale to survive nuclear winter." Never look in an author's pantry.
3. Ways not to introduce yourself to a working author: "Nice to meet you. I read your last book, and it was shit." If you do that, please expect to get "Nice to meet you. I hope you have medical insurance," as a reply.
2. Everything eventually shows up in a book. Everything. Yes, even that. No, we're not trying to be mean. It's just how our brains work.
1. Authors write because we have to. It's how we're made. So please forgive us for those Friday nights, okay?
12. Asking an author who has just released a book (or is in pre-release for a book) "When's the next one?" is like asking a woman who's nine months pregnant "When's the next one?", only the author is probably not nine months pregnant, and is thus more likely to hit you. I am aware that this metaphor makes me out to be one of those faintly frightening women with twelve children, planning for twelve more. It's still true.
11. Most authors don't know where their ideas come from. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't ask; I seriously doubt I could be the one who killed that question in the hearts and minds of readers everywhere (although if I was, SFWA would probably saint me). It just means that when we answer you, we're probably lying.
10. No, that nice author you met on the bus once doesn't want to read your manuscript. I'm sorry. That nice dentist you met on the bus once doesn't want to clean your teeth for free, either.
9. An author on deadline is faintly neurotic, faintly obsessive, faintly hysterical, faintly depressed, and faintly insane. Sometimes just one of these; sometimes all five. Poke at your own risk.
8. Most authors are writing the genres they're writing because they love them. Telling a romance writer he or she should write a real book is a good way to find out how heavy that romance writer's satchel or purse really is.
7. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. I would, however, do that for research, especially since research, unlike love, is tax-deductible.
6. Authors who say "I'm staying home to write on Friday night" aren't saying "I am lonely, please save me from myself." They're saying "I'm staying home to write on Friday night." This goes double for authors with day jobs.
5. I dare anyone who says writing isn't work to copy-edit and revise a three hundred page manuscript in under a month. Oh, and it has to be better when you finish than it was when you started. If you can do that, you can say anything you want.
4. Authors tend to be fiscally conservative, because there's rarely a guarantee of when the next check will come. This makes us dangerous in warehouse stores. We really do go "I could totally buy enough toilet paper wholesale to survive nuclear winter." Never look in an author's pantry.
3. Ways not to introduce yourself to a working author: "Nice to meet you. I read your last book, and it was shit." If you do that, please expect to get "Nice to meet you. I hope you have medical insurance," as a reply.
2. Everything eventually shows up in a book. Everything. Yes, even that. No, we're not trying to be mean. It's just how our brains work.
1. Authors write because we have to. It's how we're made. So please forgive us for those Friday nights, okay?
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Date: 2011-02-17 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 05:32 pm (UTC)*wishes you luck*
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Date: 2011-02-17 04:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 05:15 pm (UTC)At least their comics are still wonderful.
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From:Re: #1
Date: 2011-02-17 04:37 pm (UTC)******
And hoping you don't tire of hearing this, so I'll say it here quietly then let you get back to your work: I really very much enjoy reading whatcha write, whether it's Toby Daye's newest adventures or the blog-stuff here. You've got a lovely 'n' unique 'n' appealing voice, good stories to tell, and interesting things to say. Thank you for the inspiration and oh-so-much-more that I cannot really articulate well at all. :-)
Re: #1
Date: 2011-02-17 10:58 pm (UTC)I don't think I could ever write for a living - I would start to hate it, as I did when pushed to do so many essays in high school - but I can't stop myself writing. *g*
Re: #1
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Date: 2011-02-17 04:38 pm (UTC)*picks up jaw off the floor* People say that? Hell, people think that? Yeesh.
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Date: 2011-02-17 05:52 pm (UTC)(Can I kill those 'they' and 'everybody' now? PLZ?)
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Date: 2011-02-17 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 04:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-02-17 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 05:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-02-17 05:12 pm (UTC)I really do need to be creative every few days to keep my sanity. I'm happy that I've added 'writing' to my List of Creative Things, because typing on my computer and sometimes buying research books is MUCH cheaper than fabric and leather and kite spar.
...I'm scaring my partner because I'm currently researching Horror as a genre, but he'll live.
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 05:15 pm (UTC)Also re: #11 I was in a writing group one time for fantasy and genre writers in general. This one guy came this time because some time travel ended up in his novel and he wanted to know how to make sure he got time travel correctly.
Mildly confused looks around the group.
But what got me was that he thought there was some sort of secret book that fantasy and sci fi writers used so that they knew what to call things. Like if they had a planet called Xenon, it would tell them what sort of plants, aliens, how many moons it had etc.
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:33 pm (UTC)I WANT THAT BOOK.
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Date: 2011-02-17 05:48 pm (UTC)But I would always tread carefully around heavily pregnant woman. They can hit you with no repercussions!
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 06:34 pm (UTC)Tomorrow's Friday again, and I am planning to finish a manuscript tomorrow night. Yeah. At least, that's the plan.
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-02-17 06:41 pm (UTC)Love this one. :-) Along the same lines as one of my favorite college profs saying, "And when we play, it is called 'research'."
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 06:52 pm (UTC)I presume the line between "What inspired you to write X" and "Where do you get your ideas" is specificity?
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Date: 2011-02-17 08:40 pm (UTC)That's Harlan Ellison's stock answer whenever someone asks him that question. That there's an Idea Service he send $25 to, and they send a six-pack of story ideas.
Which is why Schenectady now hosts the annual It Came From Schenectady film festival, where they screen horror and science fiction classics and new movies.
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Date: 2011-02-17 07:12 pm (UTC)I do! Mostly!
But I find that after twenty minutes or so of explaining my thought processes they get the sort of expression you'd more normally expect to find on a Lovecraft protagonist.
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 08:37 pm (UTC)I hate the fact that just because writing is done at home, it's not seen in the same category as the day job.
the best answer to the question: "So when will you put it down and come play?"
-When it's DONE.
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 09:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 01:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-02-17 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-17 10:43 pm (UTC)ETA: Also, while I'm thinking about it - you're happy to cover songs, I know, but how do you feel about being covered yourself?
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:#8
Date: 2011-02-17 10:54 pm (UTC)Re: #8
Date: 2011-02-18 04:12 am (UTC)Re: #8
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Date: 2011-02-18 12:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 05:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 12:20 am (UTC)#11: yes, yes, yes
#10...oh hell, YES to all of them.
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Date: 2011-02-18 05:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-18 12:59 am (UTC)Also, with regards to #3, this is where that old "if you don't have anythings nice to say" adage comes in. I figure if you love the work, say so. If you don't, stick to "nice to meet you".
Apparently, telling authors you've just met that their book kept you up all night is also acceptable.
;-)
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Date: 2011-02-18 01:24 am (UTC)Unless my husband beats me to it. He doesn't take as long to mull.
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Date: 2011-02-18 04:17 am (UTC)#5 -- So, do you have a three hundred page manuscript you need copy edited? I'd consider it work, sure. I've gotten paid for doing it. (And if I could find someone to pay me to do more of it, I'd be delighted. But that's another story.)
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Date: 2011-02-18 05:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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