I recently wrote down a few thoughts about what takes a comment from appreciative to creepy, and for me, at least, the main divide is in where the value is placed in relation to me and/or the course of conversation.
Example 1:
"Holy shit, you look super hot." "Thanks." "Seriously, baby, you got it goin' on..." "Mhm, thanks." *moving away* "Hey wait, wait, y'wanna... Take a walk with me?"
Creepy as hell to me, for three reasons. A. They opened with an assessment of my physical appearance, and then kept on going without even remotely acknowledging that I have a brain or other parts than those useful for their fantasy material. B. They kept going along the same vein despite my lack of interest in pursuing that conversation. C. When I attempted to leave, they pursued.
Example 2:
"I loooove your singing." "Thanks, I like that song. It's by this woman I follow on-" "You've got a lot of passion to your voice, makes you sound all sex kitten." "Uh..." "Wanna come up to my room? Private party..."
Creepy. A. Even if a trait is not my breasts or ass, focusing on it to the exclusion of me as a person with my own mind and thoughts is rude. B. Ignoring my attempt to engage in a conversation in favor of focusing on how to get into bed with me, creepy. C. Going in for the pick up within three sentences? I am clearly just wank material to you. Go away.
Example 3:
"Man, this party is packed. Do you know the party holders?" "Nah, I'm a friend of a friend, just came by to see what was going on." "Mmhm. By the way, you look really fantastic. Did you make that all yourself?" "Most of it, the bodice and the stockings are bought, but thank you." "Sure thing. Hey, would you like to grab a coffee downstairs? It's a little packed for me." "No thanks, I'm waiting for my friend." "Okay! Maybe I'll see you around, but if not, have a great con!"
Not creepy. A. They engaged with me without focusing solely on the state of my tits/etc. B. They did not attempt to leverage their attraction as though I owed them something for giving them a stiff (insert part here). C. When I declined, they gave up, leaving me the opening to approach them later if I felt like it.
Seriously, the number one factor for me (and me alone, YMMV) is whether or not they are making any effort to treat me as more than a set of tits with legs attached. Before we even get to the part where they try to initiate some sort of one-on-one whatever, I have already formed an opinion based on if they believe there is a person present, or a cardboard cutout of wank material. By the time they get to asking me, if they've done nothing but gush about my ta-tas, I'm already going to say no. If they persist, I will say no much louder, until they go away.
TL;DR: How you approach someone and if you engage THEM vs. engaging with THEIR BODY/trait you want to get to know can make all the difference, particularly since dehumanizing someone is the first step toward then ignoring their refusal.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-07-08 03:48 am (UTC)Example 1:
"Holy shit, you look super hot."
"Thanks."
"Seriously, baby, you got it goin' on..."
"Mhm, thanks." *moving away*
"Hey wait, wait, y'wanna... Take a walk with me?"
Creepy as hell to me, for three reasons.
A. They opened with an assessment of my physical appearance, and then kept on going without even remotely acknowledging that I have a brain or other parts than those useful for their fantasy material.
B. They kept going along the same vein despite my lack of interest in pursuing that conversation.
C. When I attempted to leave, they pursued.
Example 2:
"I loooove your singing."
"Thanks, I like that song. It's by this woman I follow on-"
"You've got a lot of passion to your voice, makes you sound all sex kitten."
"Uh..."
"Wanna come up to my room? Private party..."
Creepy.
A. Even if a trait is not my breasts or ass, focusing on it to the exclusion of me as a person with my own mind and thoughts is rude.
B. Ignoring my attempt to engage in a conversation in favor of focusing on how to get into bed with me, creepy.
C. Going in for the pick up within three sentences? I am clearly just wank material to you. Go away.
Example 3:
"Man, this party is packed. Do you know the party holders?"
"Nah, I'm a friend of a friend, just came by to see what was going on."
"Mmhm. By the way, you look really fantastic. Did you make that all yourself?"
"Most of it, the bodice and the stockings are bought, but thank you."
"Sure thing. Hey, would you like to grab a coffee downstairs? It's a little packed for me."
"No thanks, I'm waiting for my friend."
"Okay! Maybe I'll see you around, but if not, have a great con!"
Not creepy.
A. They engaged with me without focusing solely on the state of my tits/etc.
B. They did not attempt to leverage their attraction as though I owed them something for giving them a stiff (insert part here).
C. When I declined, they gave up, leaving me the opening to approach them later if I felt like it.
Seriously, the number one factor for me (and me alone, YMMV) is whether or not they are making any effort to treat me as more than a set of tits with legs attached. Before we even get to the part where they try to initiate some sort of one-on-one whatever, I have already formed an opinion based on if they believe there is a person present, or a cardboard cutout of wank material. By the time they get to asking me, if they've done nothing but gush about my ta-tas, I'm already going to say no. If they persist, I will say no much louder, until they go away.
TL;DR: How you approach someone and if you engage THEM vs. engaging with THEIR BODY/trait you want to get to know can make all the difference, particularly since dehumanizing someone is the first step toward then ignoring their refusal.