All the awful movies, where did they all come from?

[seanan_mcguire]

My friend Chris came up yesterday, since we hadn't seen each other in way too long, and we spent most of the day doing what we do best: sitting on the couch, petting the cats, and watching fuck-awful SyFy Channel Original Movies that had been clogging up my DVR waiting for our next watch-a-thon. Movies watched over the course of the party included Shark Week, Boogeyman, Two-Headed Shark Attack, and Haunted High (note that for purposes of "watching," we "watched" it if we stared aghast at the screen for ten minutes before skipping to the next film because OH GOD LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THIS CRAP). We finished the night with Notting Hill, because we needed our faith in cinema restored.

I feel good about my life choices.

There's something incredibly pure about a terrible horror movie. When I was in high school, one of my favorite pick-up RPGs was called It Came From the Late, Late, Late Show, in which you played, yes, the lead in a terrible genre movie. I "invented" combat cheerleading (which would show up from my PCs for years to follow) during a session titled "Teenage Zombie High School." I learned about setting tarantulas on fire in "Leeeeeeeegs!!!! The Crawling Terror." And I always had a wonderful time.

Authors have this tendency to write "deconstructive works" about the genres and media that they love. Scalzi's Redshirts, Stephen King's The Dark Half, and so on. I am deeply afraid that one day, I am going to write my deconstructive work, and it's going to be like Night Vale meets the Care Bear Cousins.

That day is coming.

Comments

[mpoetess.livejournal.com]

The Asylum. They all came from The Asylum. Which is both appropriate and sobworthy.

[seanan-mcguire.livejournal.com]

So sad. So true.

And sometimes you can see the seeds of...not genius, but beautiful stupidity in them.

[beccastareyes]

All the awful movies, where did they call come from~
All the awful movies, where do they all belong~.

Probably for the best you can't hear me singing...

[eksleebriss.livejournal.com]

Well, crud. Now, can we sponsor that?

[sylviamcivers.livejournal.com]

Now I have images of zombie Care Bears in my head.

You are a bad, bad Seanan.

[vincentursus.livejournal.com]

I am going to write my deconstructive work, and it's going to be like Night Vale meets the Care Bear Cousins.

That day is coming.

I'm sure we're all looking forwards to it. I know I am.

[archangelbeth]

I am deeply afraid that one day, I am going to write my deconstructive work, and it's going to be like Night Vale meets the Care Bear Cousins.

And I will want to buy and read it.

[archangelbeth]

There's Moldering Bear, and Bloody Bear, and Headbite Bear, and One-eyed Bear, and Rotten Bear...

[andrian6.livejournal.com]

I second this entirely. And if you want to see where bad movies come from, check out "Popatopolis" on Netflix. It's a documentary on the man who made "Chopping Mall" and "976-EVIL II" as he tried to make the film "The Witches of Breastwick" in three days.

[http://users.livejournal.com/la_marquise_de_/]

Two_Headed Shark Attack may be the worst film ever. So bad it's... well, there isn't a word.
I remember playing It Came From... Delightfully daft.

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

They will Rise like fresh-baking chocolate chip cookies!

[admnaismith.livejournal.com]

one day, I am going to write my deconstructive work, and it's going to be like Night Vale meets the Care Bear Cousins.


I love you just a little, right now. No hetero.

[dimestore-romeo.livejournal.com]

I love The Craft. I love terrible horror films, but they need to be good-campy enough to watch all the way through.

I also fondly remember She Creature, because I feel that killer mermaid films are in short supply.

[sylviamcivers.livejournal.com]

Nope. There's zombie Happiness Bear, zombie Sleepytime Bear, etc. People/bears don't get new names just because they died and woke up hungry for brains.

[fadethecat.livejournal.com]

Having the dubious badge of honor of having watched Two-Headed Shark Attack all the way through, I now desperately want to know how far you made it into that movie, and what you thought.

(Please tell me you got to the tidal wave with the shark in it. It's the best shot of the movie!)

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

I am awaiting that day anxiously because that sounds like a book I have always been waiting for.

[tokoz.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love The Late Show RPG. I have the original, the "cowboys and dinosaurs" expansion, and the "martial arts" expansions. Sadly, finding people willing to play the games anymore is pretty difficult.

But if you liked Late Show, you should check out the Shadowfist RPG (not shadowrun -- though it's fun too). Shadowfist is based around cheesy hong-kong action scifi movies. :)

[wednesday]

I can't decide whether that audiobook should be read by Cree Summer or Luba Goy.

[ambelies.livejournal.com]

I vote Cree Summer. I love her voice work.

[denisen1.livejournal.com]

Our favorite bad horror movie: Motel Hell. Something about planting people in the ground, like screaming vegetables, etc. Weirdly, wonderfully awful. Also hysterically funny under the right circumstances, mindset.

Re Care Bears et al., our variant (coined, as it were, when I was pregnant and veery cranky) was the Seven Dwarves of the Apocalypse ... So there was Cranky, Clumsy, Bloaty, Farty, Jittery, Groggy, and (of course, right?) Doc.

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

Two-Headed Shark Attack was a MASTERPIECE in cheese. Which reminds me that I need to dig up SHARKNADO for boosette.

[loree.livejournal.com]

You might enjoy playing Prime Time Adventures - it's like creating the best show you never saw on TV, and adapts to any genre.

[hoppytoad79.livejournal.com]

Oh, heavens, the mental image you've put into my head. Curse you for a thousand years! May the fleas of one thousand camels infest your underwear drawer!

[hoppytoad79.livejournal.com]

Seven Dwarves of the Apocalypse vs. Zombie Care Bears. Now there's entertainment!

[jadis17.livejournal.com]

The first time I read that sentence I thought you meant Whoops! Director accidentally made these 2 other terrible movies while trying to get this third terrible movie made super quick. And some how that explained so much.