Mira Grant knows where you live.

[seanan_mcguire]

It's time for today's TOTALLY SILLY CONTEST!

So I'm doing the web content for MiraGrant.com. Those of you familiar with my main website may have noticed that I have multiple bios, some of them deeply, deeply silly in nature, posted on the site. Since Mira doesn't have quite the history I do, and I haven't had the chance to solicit bios for her from my friends, I need something to guarantee the depth of content to which my readers have become accustomed (OCD cat is OCD). So!

You know Chuck Norris?

That.

I'm looking for UTTERLY INSANE statements about Mira Grant. Things like "Mira Grant isn't afraid of the thing under your bed. Mira Grant is the thing under your bed." Or "Mira Grant goes down to the quarry any time she damn well wants to."

Leave your suggestions as comments on this post. I will collect the best (and weirdest) for posting on Mira's website, because I have no hobbies that don't involve utter insanity. There will be prizes! I don't know what those prizes will be, but they, too, will probably be a little odd. (Sadly, I can't promise a copy of Feed until I've done some local accounting, but there will be something.)

Come on. You know you want to.

Comments

[inaurolillium.livejournal.com]

Zombies are afraid of Mira Grant.

[unseenlibrarian.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant's hobbies include exploring forbidden tombs, making explosives, and making out in the cornfield to try to attract the attention of implacable serial killers.

[tsgeisel.livejournal.com]

"There are no Mira Grant jokes. Everything said about her is true."

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant isn't afraid of zombies. Zombies are afraid of Mira Grant.

Mira Grant makes clowns cry.

[valdary.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant may well frighten you to death, that doesn't mean that she will accept your death certificate as an excuse to skip out on a dinner date.

[snobahr.livejournal.com]

Intestinal virii are afraid of Mira Grant. Rhinovirii are uncertain, tending towards avoidance, as well.

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

Black cats don't cross Mira Grant's path, for fear of bad luck.

Mira Grant keeps Stephen King up at night.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant doesn't need to kick ass and take names. If you know what's good for you, you take dictation and kick your OWN ass after asking "how hard?"

[catvalente.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant cannot help us.

[sheistheweather]

Mira Grant scares the things that go bump in the night.
Mira Grant goes bump in the night.
Mira Grant, Zombie Prophet.
Mira Grant, Apocalyptic Harbinger of Doom and Other Important Matters
The Apatosaurus eats the plants. Tyrannosaurus rex eats the Apatosaurus. Mira Grant eats the Tyrannosaurus rex.
Mira Grant lurks in the deep.
Mira Grant thinks you don't exist.
Mira Grant builds your world.
Mira Grant, Necrologist Extraordinaire
Mira Grant, Scarier Than Your Mom
Mira Grant got the bogeyman.
Mira Grant rides nightmares.
Mira Grant knows what you did last Halloween.

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

The boogeyman scares his children with tales of Mira Grant.

[catvalente.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant doesn't need to kill humans for their vital brains. She has successfully bred the human race over millenia to voluntarily give their brains to her.

[starmalachite.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant's going out tonight *because* there's a bad moon on the rise. Who do you think put it there?

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant knows it's not Johnny because she recently slept with Johnny to ensure his death.

Mira Grant once decapitated a zombie with her toenail.

In space Mira Grant can hear you scream.

Mira Grant is incapable of dying and thus has never come back from the dead, but if she were to, she'd still be pretty.

Mira Grant blinks. All the time. Suck on it, Weeping Angels.

Mira Grant doesn't blink. The world just hides from her at regular intervals.

[valdary.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant wears a vial of the ultimate plague virus in a pendant around her neck.

[sheistheweather]

Mira Grant's favorite perfume could kill you.

[sheistheweather]

Mira Grant holds Hell's climate controls.

[georgiamagnolia.livejournal.com]

All your fears are belong to Mira Grant.

All your Zombies are belong to Mira Grant.

You get the idea there, edit as needed to mock your own favourite games and/or internet memes.

[wiredwizard.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant didn't give in to the Dark Side of the Force; it gave in to *her!

One time Mira Grant killed 1000 ninjas with a dirty look.

Mira Grant likes Chuck Norris - unfortunately he's scared to death of her.

Mira Grant has tea w/ Great Cthulhu at his house the 3rd Thursday of every month to talk shop & play Fizbin.

[argonel.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant is the reason the dinosaurs are extinct. She didn't kill them, she's a time traveler and brought them all to next week.

[cupcakery.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant caused the Tunguska Event.

Mira Grant doesn't need to kill zombies. They spontaneously decapitate themselves in her presence.

Even flioviridae are afraid of Mira Grant.

[sheistheweather]

Chuck Norris wants to have Mira Grant's babies.

[catvalente.livejournal.com]

He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees Mira Grant.

[hsifyppah.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant gets mother's day cards from Norman Bates.
Mira Grant's breakfast died under mysterious circumstances.
Mira Grant uses misogynistic horror tropes to heat her house.
When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will crash on Mira Grant's couch for a couple weeks.
Mira Grant can only be stored under biosafety level 4 containment conditions.

[yorick28.livejournal.com]

When he heard Mira Grant drank pinot noir, Hannibal Lecter switched to chianti.