Mira Grant knows where you live.

[seanan_mcguire]

It's time for today's TOTALLY SILLY CONTEST!

So I'm doing the web content for MiraGrant.com. Those of you familiar with my main website may have noticed that I have multiple bios, some of them deeply, deeply silly in nature, posted on the site. Since Mira doesn't have quite the history I do, and I haven't had the chance to solicit bios for her from my friends, I need something to guarantee the depth of content to which my readers have become accustomed (OCD cat is OCD). So!

You know Chuck Norris?

That.

I'm looking for UTTERLY INSANE statements about Mira Grant. Things like "Mira Grant isn't afraid of the thing under your bed. Mira Grant is the thing under your bed." Or "Mira Grant goes down to the quarry any time she damn well wants to."

Leave your suggestions as comments on this post. I will collect the best (and weirdest) for posting on Mira's website, because I have no hobbies that don't involve utter insanity. There will be prizes! I don't know what those prizes will be, but they, too, will probably be a little odd. (Sadly, I can't promise a copy of Feed until I've done some local accounting, but there will be something.)

Come on. You know you want to.

Comments

[sheistheweather]

Chuck Norris wants to divorce Joe and marry Mira Grant... Wait...

[sheistheweather]

Hannibal Lecter drinks chianti BECAUSE he heard it was Mira Grant's wine of choice.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

(Chuck Norris is 5'2". FEH.)

All basement cat cheezburger belong to Mira Grant. (He can has if he brings her pie.)

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will crash on Mira Grant's couch for a couple weeks.
A WINNER IS YOU.

[actoplasm.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant's favorite drink is Kellis-Amberlee.

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant can travel at 1.75c.
Mira Grant single-handedly put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Mira Grant's social security number has two extra digits.
Mira Grant's cat has two extra digits.
Mira Grant holds citizenship in seventeen UN-recognized countries, four non-UN-recognized countries, three planets, and a comet.
Mira Grant speaks thirty-nine languages, including three fictional languages, five dead languages, and two undead languages.
Mira Grant and Superman have never been seen in the same room at the same time.
Mira Grant contains explicit lyrics.

[gaaneden.livejournal.com]

When a mosquito bites Mira Grant, instead of sucking out blood, it gives up its blood to her.

When thinking of Mira Grant and you have the choice of the lady or the tiger, choose the tiger--it's safer.

Mira Grant's blood neutralizes Alien blood.

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant blinks. All the time. Suck on it, Weeping Angels.

*dies*
*is ded*

[slweippert.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant doesn't just visit hell, she has her own room in Hades' villa.

[hsifyppah.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant doesn't blink. The world just hides from her at regular intervals.

Bwahahaha I love you.

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will crash on Mira Grant's couch for a couple weeks.

*is ded again*

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant once wrote a story where everyone lived, but everyone who has ever read it mysteriously died.

[djonn]

(1) Mira Grant holds the world record for the longest recorded toss of a severed human head.

(2) Mira Grant is fifth in line to succeed to the rulership of Latveria. (She was previously ninth, but four of the eight higher-ranked candidates have recently disappeared under mysterious circumstances.)

(3) Mira Grant once mediated a treaty between rival orders of Australian ninjas; since that time, she has been guarded by at least two koala assassins and two kangaroo warriors at all times.

[argonel.livejournal.com]

Beautiful.

[liret.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant exterminated the Daleks.

The Black Death was caused when Mira Grant sneezed.

The CDC has a little known threat level 7, codenamed 'Mira Grant'.

[valdary.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant meets up with Persephone twice a year for pomegranite slaughtering contests!

[cleverthylacine]

When the thing under your bed goes home to sleep in the morning, it checks under the bed for Mira Grant before it turns out the lights.

Mira Grant challenged Dean Winchester and Buffy Summers to a monster-hunting contest. They both went home crying. As for Anita Blake, the whole thing was over before she managed to get her panties on in the morning.

Mira Grant beat up Chuck Norris.

[valdary.livejournal.com]

The White House has assigned a special team to take charge of the laundering of Mira Grant's labcoats.

[cleverthylacine]

Wow, I think I sat next to her in a Supershuttle once.

[cleverthylacine]

It is made up of condemned terrorists. If they survive, they can go free.

[sheistheweather]

All under-the-bed and in-the-closet monsters work for Mira Grant.
Chuck Norris doesn't answer Mira Grant's calls.
Mira Grant is Satan's landlady.

[herefox.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant CAN help the turtle.

Mira Grant moonlights as Pestilence in her copious free time.

Mira Grant spills creepy on your shoes.

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

That's a really good one.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

Mra Grant was once bitten by a snake. After three agonizing days, the snake sadly died.

[sheistheweather]

Mira Grant made you breakfast in bed! Call poison control immediately.