Mira Grant knows where you live.

[seanan_mcguire]

It's time for today's TOTALLY SILLY CONTEST!

So I'm doing the web content for MiraGrant.com. Those of you familiar with my main website may have noticed that I have multiple bios, some of them deeply, deeply silly in nature, posted on the site. Since Mira doesn't have quite the history I do, and I haven't had the chance to solicit bios for her from my friends, I need something to guarantee the depth of content to which my readers have become accustomed (OCD cat is OCD). So!

You know Chuck Norris?

That.

I'm looking for UTTERLY INSANE statements about Mira Grant. Things like "Mira Grant isn't afraid of the thing under your bed. Mira Grant is the thing under your bed." Or "Mira Grant goes down to the quarry any time she damn well wants to."

Leave your suggestions as comments on this post. I will collect the best (and weirdest) for posting on Mira's website, because I have no hobbies that don't involve utter insanity. There will be prizes! I don't know what those prizes will be, but they, too, will probably be a little odd. (Sadly, I can't promise a copy of Feed until I've done some local accounting, but there will be something.)

Come on. You know you want to.

Comments

[sheistheweather]

Stephen King wants Mira Grant's autograph. So does Chuck Norris.

[sheistheweather]

I really like this one as well.

[kellan_the_tabby]

Mira Grant IS a Zombie Apocalypse Plan.

[sageautumn.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant can have sex in the opening scene.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant can blink faster than the angels... they never had a chance.

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant has no mouth and she can still scream.
Mira Grant does not slay vampires. They run into her stakes willingly.
Who ya gonna call? Mira Grant.
There's something about Mira. If we told you, we'd have to kill you.
No one can be told who Mira Grant is. You have to see her for yourself. Unfortunately, she's invisible.
Mira Grant does not have a reservoir condition. Kellis-Amberlee just feels safer inside her.
Mira Grant can watch Buffy accept the Class Protector Award without crying.
Mira Grant predicted the current Jane Austen craze in 1811, when she became Jane Austen.
Mira Grant doesn't need a zombie survival guide. Zombies need a Mira Grant survival guide.

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant holds a plutonium medal in olympic figure skating.
Mira Grant got Stella's groove back after several hours of intense negotiation.
Mira Grant weighs the same as a duck. No one living knows which duck.
Mira Grant has a birthmark in the shape of a map of the London Underground. It is updated hourly with all regular timetables and unscheduled delays.
Mira Grant knows both the position and the momentum of a particle. Also its name, birthdate, and social security number.
Mira Grant put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong.

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant doesn't have to worry about whether she's let the right one in.

Mira Grant knows it's not Johnny.

Mira Grant played dice with the Bogeyman and took him for all he had.

There is no evolution, just a list of species Mira Grant graciously allows to live.

Mira Grant could get your little brother to clean his room and get a job.

It's Mira Grant's world; we all just live in it.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant brought it back to life after that.

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Ha!

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant knows the call is coming from inside the house, because she's already standing behind the caller with a knife.

[ash-of-roses.livejournal.com]

The last time Mira Grant slept, she dreamed up the Black Death.

Mira Grant will rank your screams on a scale out of ten. Chuck Norris got an 8.

Mira Grant has no heart. Her blood runs through her veins-- in terror of her.

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

Mira used to do that; then she decided that wasn't a safe place to keep the virus.

So she drank it.

She's fine; the virus is afraid of what she'd do if it tried to kill her.

[ladyfox7oaks.livejournal.com]

*A hypodermic and a scalpel...*

[sheistheweather]

Mira Grant has Gina's address.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

I accept your edit. Well done.

[onefishonly.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant crosses the streams just for kicks.

Mira Grant doodles with the Colour out of Space.

Mira Grant made Mulder forget Scully... and vice versa.

Mira Grant bought that cursed tape from The Ring on DVD.

Mira Grant can teach an old werewolf new tricks.

The Devil sold his soul to Mira Grant.

[hsifyppah.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant does not have a reservoir condition. Kellis-Amberlee just feels safer inside her.

Okay everyone else can just go home now.

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant has an unlisted blood type.

Her favourite food is US President's brains ... very rare, and no nutritional value

Mira Grant may contain nuts, soya, the universe, time, space and riboflavin

Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, Mira Grant stole it

What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Mira Grant has a knife and isn't afraid to go looking!

Wise men say, only fools rush in ... but Mira Grant walks in nonchalantly

If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, you've not met Mira Grant yet

When Mira Grant appeared in front of the Vulcan council, they burst into tears and told her how much they loved her

Mira Grant has the editing pencil that adds "for you" to "Today is a good day to die"

Mira Grant's Desert Eagle 44automag is a 48.4automag as they gave her 10% extra free.

There were only two samurai left after they met Mira Grant, and *they* were dressed as schoolgirls!

The light at the end of the tunnel is the flamethrower of Mira Grant

Saddam Hussein, Hitler and Mira Grant are in the room with you, and your gun has only one bullet, who do you shoot? Yourself, duh!

Mira Grant pulls hats out of rabbits

There isn't a prison, bank vault or donut shop that Mira Grant can't break into.

Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp and George Clooney offered to sleep with each other, just for a momentary glance from Mira Grant.

Time slows down in a gravity well but it runs away when Mira Grant is around.

They measure "amazing" in femto-Miras

When Mira Grant tells a knock-knock joke, no one has to ask "who's there?"

The Hubble Telescope had to be taken offline when it found a star cluster that spelled out "Mira Grant".

Mira Grant uses the Large Hadron Collider to stir her coffee.

Global Climate Change happened the first time Mira Grant went swimming in the ocean

Why don't polar bears eat penguins? Mira told them not to.

There were 48 chromosomes until Mira Grant showed up ...

Mira Grant can put i after e whenever she wants

Mira Grant has an all access pass to the restricted stacks in the Library of Alexandria (and not just the Falls Church branch)

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

"Mira Grant is fifth in line to succeed to the rulership of Latveria."

I'm reminded of something in one of Zelazny's Amber books:

Merlin is informed that he is now much closer to the throne of the Courts of Chaos than he used to be.

"Bad year for the flu?"

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant knows 417 ways to kill you before breakfast.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

Because she could not stop for Death, Mira Grant sent him an e-mail requesting he catch up with her down at the abandoned junkyard next to the cemetery.

[fatherofdragons.livejournal.com]

Death can not come for Mira Grant, except to ask for her autograph. Nicely.

Mira Grant can dictate award-winning horror fiction while killing zombies with a spork.

Mira Grant once made the Bermuda Triangle disappear.

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

"Mira Grant put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong."

It remains unproven, but Mira Grant is considered the most likely cause of the bomp in the bomp-sha-bomp-sha-bomp.

[pola-bear.livejournal.com]

Mira Grant's books aren't novels, they're warnings.

Every time Mira Grant sneezes, a corpse wakes up.

Mira Grant started the Chuck Norris meme.

Ceiling cat tried to watch Mira Grant masturbate. There is no longer a ceiling cat.